Let it Fade to Black
by day-or-knight
Summary: Erin Lindsay's life is a Roller Coaster, and it can't get much worse. Or can it?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey Guys! I have been working on this one for a few weeks now and decided to post the first chapter, let me know what you think! :)**

 **S/N: Not like I am counting down or anything but 50 days until CPD returns!**

 **Chapter One: I am Erin Lindsay.**

* * *

I feel like I'm drowning. I want to pull the plug. I can't take this anymore.

But something is holding me back.

Maybe it's the high from the drugs? Or the numbness from the Alcohol. Maybe it's the thought of letting the man who saved me, down. Maybe it's the dorky smile and ocean blue eyes that seem to be there every time I turn the corner.

I left behind the life I love, I began hanging with a bad crowd and quit the job of my dreams. My life is spiraling out of control, and it is all your fault.

* * *

I woke up this morning to take in my surroundings, only to recognize nothing, its nothing new and defiantly not the first time it has happened over the past few weeks. I push myself off the bed, covering myself with the blanket that was draped at the foot of the bed, covering my modesty, or what is left of it... The room began to spin and the pounding of pain in my head became like thunder, loud and continuous. I quickly go in search of my clothes, finding the articles of clothing strewn across the room. As I dress I turn and look at the mystery man who is still sound asleep in the bed I previously occupied. He is older and well built, thin, slightly tan. He has dirty blonde hair, and looks to be about six foot five. His apartment is nice and well kept, but the vibe of the small details told me that this was just another one night stand.

 _'Good Job Erin, you slept with another jerk._ ' I thought to myself as I ran a hand through my hair, making sure I had everything I could remember I had brought with me, before walking out the front door.

I round the corner and find the elevator of the modest complex, taking the fifteen flights down to the lobby as I desperately tried to remember what I could about where I was. As the metal doors opened, I was unfamiliar of the landscape I could see through the windows, 'Where the hell am I?' I thought to myself as I located the front doors, making my way out front I caught sight of the Sears tower to my Left, Lake Michigan to my right.

 _'Ok Erin, that means you are in Southern Chicago. Which means home is approximately thirty minutes North_.' I thought to myself.

I head North, towards the apartment, but quickly got sidetracked, withdraw beginning to take control over my body. I make a detour towards the corner block that has become ever so familiar to me over the past few weeks, buying a couple of grams of the hard stuff before walking up the street to drown myself in my sorrows and misery.

I do not remember how I got home, all I remember was waking up in my bed and feeling empty, cold, and lost. I feel like I keep repeating the same motions, get high, go drink, and sleep with anything that walks. It is tiring. I feel drained, emotionally, physically. I cannot take it anymore. I have thought about doing this before, and now seems as good time as ever. I'm somewhat still intoxicated, everything is foggy, but I can still piece my thoughts together. I grab me a bottle of Jack from the cupboard, before I walk over to the drawer in the kitchen filled with what I need, grabbing the first three random sheets of paper I find, I sit in the kitchen floor and begin writing.

Soon all three letters are filled and envelopes addressed, my bottle of alcohol is empty, but I can still feel, so I proceed to move forward, ignoring the vibrations of my phone I hear on the counter.

I stumble to my room, all three letters in my hand, and make my way towards the nightstand, pulling out the cold black metal before sitting down on the bed.

'Should I do this? I don't see why not, nobody cares anyways.' Invades my thoughts as I lift up my head, I get comfortable, placing the letters in plain view making them easy to find. I look to my left, and see the picture that used to make me feel like I was worth something, I smile even just for a second before I grab the picture and take it into my free hand.

I'm not sure how long I have been crying, my cheeks are soaked and my eyes are burning.

I grab the cold steel from the nightstand, taking it into my right hand, it feels heavier than normal, which is weird because there is only one bullet. One piece of copper, to do the job and done. I raise the small handgun to my abdomen, releasing the safety, my hands are shaking violently, I'm surprised I can do anything. I don't hesitate anymore, I press the barrel hard into my abdomen and pull the trigger.

I expected either a cold or a burning hot sensation to takeover my body, the kind you see on television or read about in books, the kind that allows for you to slowly bleed out.

But that feeling did not come. I quickly pull the gun back and inspect it in my hands before laying it on the bed. I thank my lucky stars that the gun jammed.

I do not want to die, it is not my time. I have so much I want to do, so much I need to do.

I jump up off the bed, tears streaming down my face once again, my legs seem to have a mind of their own as they take off through the apartment and out my front door to the stairs of the complex and out the onto the warm streets of Chicago. I start off in a run, my aching legs soon giving out under the amount of activity. I round the corner and onto 54th in a jog, and my heart stops. I could recognize those four cars anywhere. Of course they would just happen to be at the right place when I am in the middle of a mid-life crisis.

I should have just kept on going, but instead curiosity got the best of me awakening my detective side, I soon found myself standing next to my old car, keeping an ear open for any voices.

"Clear!" I hear Dawson shout from inside the house.

"Clear!" Yells Ruzek.

And then I hear him, the voice that can make my knees go weak and my mind haze. He calls me, almost every day to check on me, I ignore and he leaves a voicemail, to which I always text him back 'I'm Fine.', it has become part of the routine.

His rough voice yells something from inside the house and I am lost in my own train of thought, which was soon interrupted by the sound of glass breaking and a man jumping out the window. He lands on his feet and begins to make a run for it.

"Hey!' I yell 'CPD! Freeze!" I said as I went for the non-existent gun in the non-existent holster on my side.

The man, in his mid-twenties, flashes me an unsettling grin before he takes off running down the block.

I quickly take pursuit, as we take off running down the block, across a road and jumping over a fence, before he ran into an abandoned building. I slow my pace, grabbing a metal pipe on the ground, before I enter the unfamiliar setting. The building looks to have been abandoned for around fifteen years, shrubs have grown up through the ground, the bricks are graffitied as far as the eye can see.

I quietly make my way up the few steps of the entrance, before pulling the door open. As I step in with the metal pipe in batting position, I am struck in the face with a musty smell; mold, mildew, rats and roaches, seem to be the only things alive in this place. The open floor seems empty, columns are seen sporadically throughout the space, running from floor to ceiling, a few barrels are to my right, covered with a tarp and a stack of wooden pallets are to my left. I glance around, seeing a few doors lining a hallway.

'Too many places for one person to search.' I thought to myself as I turned around to head out to get my former team. I was almost to the door, when I heard movement come from behind me.

"Not today!" I heard the man shout as I turned around.

Turning around turned out to be a mistake. Chasing him to this building was a mistake. Everything about today, seems to be a mistake.

Everything happened so fast, one minute I was turning around to see what the man was talking about, and the next I am laying on the cold cemented floor. I thought he had just pushed me to the ground, but as I attempted to pull myself up, it became quite clear that it was so much more. The sound of the man's footsteps filled the room as he ran by me and out the front door. It became eerily quiet, the world around me was moving slow, at a snail's pace, and it began to spin and blacken, the only sound I could hear was of the blood pounding through my veins and my heart beating faster, as I felt a burning sensation in my abdomen. My hands instinctively went to my stomach, wanting to stop the pain. As I lifted my shaking hands up, the Scarlet colored liquid that covered them made me wish I had my Kevlar.

'No. No. No. No. No. This cannot be happening.' I kept repeating to myself as I applied pressure, finding it hard to breathe, the blood beginning to accumulate in the back of my throat.

The last thing I remember before unconsciousness got me, was all the things I had yet to do or accomplish, mainly that we never got more than our one day and that is my biggest regret.


	2. I Cannot Live without You

**Hey guys! Hope your day (or evening) is treating you well! As always thank you for all the reviews/faves/follows they keep me going :) This chapter jumps back in time a little, just to give you a little background on whats happening. This has been one of my favorite fics to write so far... So Enjoy!**

 **S/N: CPD returns in 43 days!**

 **Chapter 2 - I Cannot Live without You (Highway Don't Care - Tim McGraw)**

* * *

The Intelligence team was out serving a warrant, Dawson and Halstead had taken the front of the two story house, with Ruzek and Olinsky covering the back, Voight keeping an eye on the alley a few houses up.

"Ok boss, doesn't seem as though anyone else is in the house but according to NCIC this is the last place of residency for Mendez." Ruzek informed the Unit over the comm set.

"Alright, we take him down quickly and quietly, everyone goes home today." Voight spoke back. "Everyone ready? On three. One. Two. Three"

They entered the house, Dawson quickly heading upstairs as Jay cleared the front of the house while Ruzek and Olinsky cleared the back yard and the back of the seemingly vacant house.

"Clear!" Dawson yelled from the top floor.

"Clear!" Ruzek yelled from the back of the house.

Jay had cleared the living room, and was making his way down the hallway.

He entered first room he came to on the left, "Clear." He shouted, leaving the empty room as he headed across the hall. He opened up the door, the small room only containing a bed and a few small items, he swiftly moved the bed, throwing the mattress up against the wall

"Clea-" he was in the middle of acknowledging when there came a small sound from the closet. Jays index finger firmly clutched the trigger of his gun tighter as he made his way over to the door.

 _'Damn it! Where's my partner when I need her?_ ' He found himself thinking. When he already knew the answer, she was probably in the same musty old bar that smelt of stale beer and cigars, sitting in the same battered and torn barstool, drunk out of her ever loving mind, as she had been doing for the past month.

When it came to doing anything the two always had a process for example, one would open the door while the other would cover. But now that he was running solo until Lindsay's 'god knows when' return, it made that process a little difficult to accomplish.

He grabbed the door handle with his left hand, his right hand still firmly holding his gun. Out of Habit he counted down to three in this head, but when he got to two, the suspect came barging through the double doors. He was immediately pushed to the ground by the sheer force of the man, Jays gun went flying from his hands. The suspect pushed himself off of the ground and grabbed the heaviest object he could find, throwing it through the window before he himself jumped through the remaining glass.

"Suspect has jumped through a first floor window. He is headed South on 54th. In pursuit now." Jay spoke into his comm as he quickly retrieved his weapon before making his way back through the house. As he exited through the front door and jumped off the porch, he made his way in the direction that he had last seen the suspect. It did not take long for him to catch up, but as soon as he did, he could not believe the sight before his eyes, and what he seen only made him run faster.

"Halstead, what's your location?" Asked Olinsky through the earpiece. Seconds later and still no response "Halstead, what's your location?" Olinksy asked once again.

"Just passed 50th. Suspect is twenty yards in front of me. Lindsay is three yards from the suspect in pursuit."

There was dead silence over the radio until a gruff voice came over the earpiece.

"Repeat that last transmission Halstead?"

"Repeating. Lindsay has just followed our suspect into an abandoned hardwood flooring building. I am fixing to go in now."

"Lindsay as in Erin?" Ruzek asked.

"Yes you idiot."

"Halstead, wait for back-up." Voight ordered.

"Voight she is my backup."

"Halstead I said wait for back-up, now that's an order!"

"Sir, with all due respect, you can take your orders and shove them up your ass. I'm not leaving her in there alone." Jay announced as he pulled his earpiece out.

He opened up the door, cautiously searching the small foyer with his gun and flashlight in hand. The place looked as though it had not been touched in years, a fine layer of dust, covering the surfaces. He carefully moved down the hallway following the voids of footprints in the dust, a door slamming shut in front of him caused him to jump out of his skin.

He was about to run after the guy in pursuit, until something laying in the floor caught the corner of his eye. He walked closer, shining his flashlight towards the object. He got closer and automatically his heart dropped, his stomach knotted, and his knees grew weak at the recognition of the petite blonde laying on the floor motionless.

"Shit! Erin!" He yelled, quickly holstering his weapon as he forced his legs to run over to her still body.

"No, no, no, no, no, Lindsay. Damn It! Don't do this to me." He thought aloud as he checked for a pulse, placing his index and middle finger on the carotid artery on her neck. Relief temporarily washed over him as he quickly felt it beating fast, to the point of tachycardic.

 _'Ok, she's alive but not conscious_.' He thought. _'Oh my god_.'

He quickly seen the small amount of blood that had formed in a pool on the concrete by her left side.

"Come on Erin, wake-up. Baby wake-up, you… you cannot die on me Erin, not today." He kept repeating as he applied pressure to the wound. He kept applying the pressure, pressing harder and harder and harder, blood began seeping through the gaps in-between his fingers, when finally he heard a small gasp come from the small form below him.

"Erin? Can you hear me?" Jay asked as he scanned her face for any signs of life.

"Damn! Is that you Halstead?" Asked Erin as she slowly blinked her eyes open.

"Yeah Er, it's me." He laughed as he used his free hand to push the hair out of her face.

"Well, one thing is for sure..."

"Erin try not to talk, help is on the way." He told her, as he hoped that his words were true.

"Let me finish... I always thought I was supposed to take a bullet to the fleshy part of the thigh, not the... Abdomen." She joked, struggling to catch her breath through the pain, as she placed a shaking hand on top of Jays.

"Hey, don't worry about that. Just focus on me." He asked as he looked at her, giving her a loving yet worried grin, never taking his eyes off of the woman before him. Erin complied and began to focus on the dreamy eyes that can always make her melt and make all the bad things disappear.

"You know... if… if I could, I would kiss you right now."

"And what's stopping you?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm too afraid to move." She apprehensively laughed, afraid to worsen her injuries.

"Well, I think I can maybe help with that..." Jay smiled as he leaned over, hovering her lips before encasing hers with his. To them it felt like the world had stopped and time had slowed around them, that they were the only two that existed in the world.

Erin brought up her bloody hand to his cheek, to further deepen the kiss, no matter how bad it hurt. Her touch eliciting a spark between the both of them, setting his rough unshaven cheek and her icy palm on fire as they had both done to each other countless times before.

Their lungs were both burning, but they were not about to part their lips until they had to. Her tongue grazed his bottom lip pleading for entrance as though this would be the last time they had the chance to do their former familiar dance.

"Jay? I'm sorry for pushing you away. You were right you know? I couldn't have prevented Nadia from dying. And after everything that happened, none of it was my fault, except my spiral and one other thing..." Erin admitted as they both pulled back for air.

"And what would that be?"

"Losing you."

"Linds, what are you talking about?"

"Jay, just know that, no matter what happens..." She said before trailing off to a whisper that only he could hear.

"Erin? Lindsay? Shit! No! Don't do this to me!" He said as he felt for a pulse once again, the one that had been there before, now gone.

He immediately removed his other hand from her abdomen, moving them to the center of her chest, where he began pounding into her chest, a hundred compressions a minute.

"Halstead?! What the hell happened?!" Voight asked, raising his voice as he stepped out of the shadows.

"I followed her in here and found her like this, the suspect got away."

"Don't worry about that. Roman and Burgess got him. Ambo is on the way."

"Just... She cannot die, Voight. She... She has so much to live for. She. Cannot. Die."

The men felt helpless in saving their fellow friend who was more like their sister. After what seemed like hours pass by that was actually just minutes, Jay could feel the beads of sweat running down his forehead.

"Halstead, you're wearing yourself out, let me take over." Dawson suggested as he stepped forward.

"I'm Fine."

"Jay, man com'on let one of us take over." Ruzek begged as he knelt down on the opposite side.

They were right, he thought, knowing that his compressions had in fact diminished.

Jay slowly removed his hands as the sirens in the distance started becoming closer, Ruzek quickly taking over CPR.

"She... She cannot die..." He kept repeating to himself as he push his aching body back towards the wall.

"Ruzek, what are we looking at?" Asked Brett as she came through the metal door with Chilly following behind, both pushing the stretcher loaded with supplies.

"Gunshot. Entrance, no exit. Coding for the past five minutes." Dawson informed the Paramedic in Command.

As Antonio was speaking, they were quickly assessing the incident themselves, swiftly preparing the Automated External Defibulator.

Sylvie quickly placed a pad on Erin's side and another on her chest, while Chilly attached the colored chords.

"Charge to 200. Stand back. Clear!" Sylvie ordered as she pressed the green button on the machine.

The shock came through and Erin's body convulsed. Ruzek quickly took back over compressions while the machine reset.

"No Change. Charge to 250. Clear!"

And once again Erin's body arched off the ground.

"I have a pulse!" Brett shouted as she looked at the monitor.


	3. Breathe Me Back to Life, I'm Going Under

**Hey Guys! Hope your Tuesday is treating you well! As always, thank you for the reviews/faves/follows, they keep this college girl going. :)**

 **S/N: Seriously all the Season 3 teasers are about to kill me... Especially all the Linstead hints. But we only have 36 Days left of waiting!**

 **Chapter 3 - Breathe Me Back to Life, I'm Going Under (Stitches - Shawn Mendes)**

* * *

"Chicago, this is Med 61, we are currently en-route to your location with a thirty year old female with a gunshot wound to the ULQ no exit. Patient was coding at scene and CPR was in progress prior to our arrival with no conversion. We shocked twice, administered adrenaline, started bicarbonate and chloride as well as six liters of O2 at one hundred percent with a mask, patient has since stabilized, I have vitals when you're ready." Brett spoke into the headset as they were going down the streets of Chicago with a police escort.

"Ambulance 61 go ahead."

"Vitals are BP 80 over 40 by palp. Pulse 60 and thready. Respiration 7. Glasgow of 7. We are currently five out from your location."

"10-4 Ambulance 61. We are ready upon your arrival."

The ride was somewhat quiet, aside from the sirens and the steady beeping coming from the heart monitor.

"I can hear you thinking from over here, she's going to be fine."

"You can say that all you want, but you don't know for sure." Jay spoke softly from beside the stretcher.

"You're right, I don't know but I can have hope. And that's what you need to have. She needs any good thought, vibe and prayer that she can get right now."

"She can't die." Jay said as he squeezed her hand harder.

"And I am not going to let that happen." Spoke a deep voice as the back doors opened.

"Will? Today's your day off, what are you doing here?"

"Let's just say when your brothers boss comes banging on your door, you do as you are told." Will said as they wheeled the stretcher into a trauma bay.

Words were not needed to express Jays gratitude towards his brother, he just looked and gave him a nod of the head.

"Jay I need you to go wait in the waiting room from this point."

"No, I'm not leaving her."

"Jay this isn't up for debate, you cannot be in here and I cannot work with you breathing down my neck. Now go."

Jay complied, but not before placing a light kiss on Erin's forehead.

He headed down the narrow hall in his own little world, his complexion was as white as a ghost from the shock of everything that just transpired.

"Hey! Halstead, I'm talking to you here man." Ruzek spoke as he caught up with Jay, bring him out of his trance.

"Huh? Oh yeah, sorry."

"Dude, you passed the waiting room minutes ago. Everything ok?"

"I... I Don't know..."

"Well how about we go and get you cleaned up, huh? Maybe get a bite to eat." Adam asked as he led his blood covered friend down the hall towards the elevator.

"Yeah, sure."

Jay was silent when he and Adam returned to the waiting room thirty minutes later but he had a clean shirt that Adam had in his car though trace amounts of blood still stained his hands and face, the bloody handprint that was on his right cheek now gone.

Adam went and sat down in the uncomfortable green chair in the small room, giving Kim a kiss on the cheek and a small look of reassurance 'everything will be ok, they both will..., leaving Jay standing in the door way.

"Halstead, you can sit you know, plenty of chairs." Antonio joked, trying to make light of the situation, only to get no reaction from Jay.

Antonio stood, walking to the door and placing a firm grip on Jay's shoulder as he led him to the chair beside him.

Jay sat there, not making a sound nor did he make any movement, the worried glances between the members of the Intelligence Unit certainly not go unnoticed. People came and went around him, he kept a blank look on his face as he focused on an imaginary spot on the wall. Had someone of touched him or spoke to him, he would have surely broke.

"Any word?" Voight asked as he stepped into the small waiting room, staring all the while at Jay.

"Nothing. Last we heard anything was when we grabbed Halstead here who was roaming the halls, said they would tell us as soon as they knew anything and that was going on three hours ago.." Antonio spoke for the unit.

"Listen, go home. Get some rest. If anything changes I will let you know." Voight asked of the unit. They all exchanged looks, none of them was going home, but to please their boss they would at least leave.

As Dawson was walking out the door, Voight stopped him, pulling him aside.

"Dawson, I need you to take Halstead with you. Let him sleep on the couch in my office, just keep an eye on him."

"Yes sir." Dawson obliged before making his way back into the waiting room, towards Jay.

"Jay, what you say we go grab something to eat?" Dawson asked, the first person to talk to Jay in hours.

"I'm not leaving."

"What about we go grab some coffee, to wake you up?"

"I'm fine, I'm not leaving her." He said sternly, his voice raising.

"Halstead, you need to get some sleep, I promise she will be here when we get back. She is certainly not going anywhere."

Jay rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fine maybe just for a few minutes..."

As Dawson and Jay were walking down the hall, they both stopped in their tracks when they seen the familiar face wearing green scrubs walking towards them.

"How is she?" Asked Jay as he ran towards his brother, Dawson and Voight quickly following.

"Critical. We had to rush her to emergency surgery. We found that the bullet shredded her bowel and small intestine, and nicked her liver. We repaired it to the best of our ability, by removing and repairing the damage. She also had a Hemopneumothorax, meaning she was bleeding into her left lung, which explains the lack of blood outside the body. But I do have some more cause for concern. We are required to run blood work on each patient before operating and hers came back quiet alarming-"

"We're taking care of it." Voight said cutting Will off.

"When will she wake-up? When can we see her?"

"She is currently in ICU on a ventilator, due to the extent of her injuries, when she will wake up is entirely up to her. Now you are more than welcome to see her right now but only one person at a time until visiting hours start here in a few. Room is on the 7th floor. Room 713."

"Thank You." The men acknowledged as Will grabbed a Chart from the nurses station and walked away.

"Halstead, you should go first." Voight said with a sigh as both men walked towards the elevator, Antonio staying back to phone the rest of the unit of Erin's condition.

"Sir, not that I would like to argue with you but I can't allow that."

"Halstead, you just said you did not want to argue with me so why are we standing here arguing?"

 _It had been a long week with the Intelligence team closing two cases back to back, resulting in the offenders behind bars._

 _"If you were ever shot-" Jay asked his new partner as they got into the Chrysler 300, headed back to the precinct._

 _"Way to jinx me Halstead..." Erin sighed, "We've only been partners for what, three weeks and here you are talking about one of us getting shot?"_

 _"Just hear me out, ok? I promise to always have your back as long as you have mine, no matter what the situation is."_

 _"Ok I like that idea... But, where exactly are you going with this?"_

 _"Just... If anything was to ever happen to me and everything possible has been done to bring me back, I don't want to end up on life support."_

 _The car got eerily silent aside from the idling engine as they sat at a red light._

 _"Where is this coming from Halstead?" Erin asked as she processed what her partner just told her._

 _"I don't know, I got into intelligence because I was shot, and we are continuously shot at practically every day. I truthfully don't have any family, I have a brother, but you are the closest thing I have to anyone. I just felt like someone should know my wishes should anything ever happen to me."_

 _"Ok, I will keep that in mind." Erin told him as they pulled into the precinct parking lot._

 _"What about you? What's your plans Erin?"_

 _"First of all, again Halstead, only family gets to call me Erin, I'd rather you call me Lindsay. Secondly, you know... I don't know, I haven't really put that much thought into it. I guess I would want Hank to make any final decision." She told him as they got out of the car, heading to the back entrance._

 _"Really? Like what's the deal with you and Voight?"_

 _"We went to prom together." Erin smirked._

 _"Not this again. I'm being Serious." Jay scoffed, rolling his eyes._

 _"Should anything serious or not happen to me, I would want Hank to make any decision, he is the only family besides Justin I have and I don't see a boyfriend in my future anytime soon..."_

 _"So what, you and the fireman..." He asked as Erin scanned her palm print and entered in the code to Intelligence._

 _"Just friends."_

 _"And we are..."_

 _"Partners. Coworkers. Mutual Acquaintances. Etc." She told him as she threw her hand into the air, glancing around the room as she sat down at her desk._

 _"Oh, so were not friends?" He smirked at her, raising his signature eyebrow._

 _"_ _Just keep talking Halstead." Erin laughed._

"Because you're her family. She once told me should anything happen to her, she wants you there."

"I don't think that's true by today's standards kid. I let her quit, I let her go back to her old ways, I've done nothing to stop her. Some family I am."

"Voight, you have always been there for her and you're here now. Don't be so hard on yourself." Jay told his superior as they arrived on the ICU floor.

"When did you become a therapist Halstead?" Voight asked as he stepped of the elevator, turning around to Jay.

Jay smiled ever so slightly and pressed the ground floor button, heading back down to meet Antonio, ' _maybe I should listen to my own words of advice_ ' he thought to himself as the doors closed.


	4. This Life would Kill Me

**Hey Guys! Hope your week is going well! Mine is great since we got the official promo video release for Season Three! :) As always thank you for all the review/faves/follows!**

 **Chapter Four - This Life would Kill Me if I didn't have You (If I Didn't Have You -Thompson Square)**

* * *

As Voight walked down the crowded hallway that was lined with computers and equipment left and right, he tried to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to see when he walked through that door.

He hated hospitals, ever since losing his late wife Camille, he could not stand to be in the sterile environment, and he certainly did not like the idea of his unofficial-adopted daughter being here.

As he walked into the room, pushing the heavy wooden door back, his felt his breath catch in his chest and his heart stop, he did not think that it was this bad. There she was, lying flat in the middle of the room on a hospital bed, her hair falling gently on both sides of her face, a tube running down her trachea pumping oxygen in her weakened lungs, different colored wires running along her bed from the heart monitor to her chest, a pole on the right side of the bed held bags of liquids pumping them into her vein.

"Erin..." He sighed as he pulled up a chair to the left side of the bed. As he sat down, he began to study her, the paleness of her skin, the dark circles under her eyes, the greasiness of her hair. ' _She really has let herself go._ ' He thought to himself. It reminded him of the first time he pulled her out of this mess, away from Bunny, away from Charlie, away from the drinking and drugs, he never thought he would have to be doing it again and her thirty years old, and he kicked himself for that.

He had been sitting there no more than thirty minutes, the silence of the room slowly driving him insane, he hated the silence, he hated sitting there doing nothing. He quickly reached into his leather jacket that was on the back of his chair and pulled out his phone. He had to do something, he had to get up and moving, he could not just sit here and mope all day. He hit the number of the speed-dial he needed, and no more than three rings later, he got a fretful voice on the other end.

"Calm down. Where are you?" He asked as the other person answered the phone. "Can you be here in ten? Good."

* * *

 _*Forty-Five minutes earlier*_

Jay had stepped off the elevator and into the lobby, in search of Antonio, following his boss's orders.

"Hey 'tonio, where are you?" Jay asked, as he spoke into his cell.

"Sorry Halstead, the babysitter called and she has come down with some virus and I had to go get Eva and Diego. But Ruzek did bring your car to the hospital, it's in the ER parking lot."

"It's fine, hope they feel better."

"Keep me updated on Er."

They said their goodbyes and hung up the phone as Jay walked to his car, he opened the door, got in, and cranked the engine.

He couldn't help but feel how backwards this was, it has always been she would drive and he would be 'the perfect househusband' as she would say. He missed her, not that he would ever tell anyone but her. He missed looking up from a pile of paperwork and seeing her furrowing eyebrow at something in a file across from him, where she would then catch him staring and her cheeks would blush. He missed there banter and inside jokes that nobody else would ever understand, which drove Ruzek insane. He missed strapping her into her Kevlar vest, reassuring her that this would be an easy bust. He missed there movie nights, that always ended with her head on his chest, as she fell into a deep sleep, which resulted in him carrying her to her bed. But most of all, he missed the feel of her soft lips on his, for the short two months that he got to taste them, he missed her body lying next to his as they woke up tangled in the sheets the next morning, he missed his Erin Lindsay.

He sat there in the parking lot and debated on whether or not to listen to his superior and go home and get some rest or to just stay in the hospital parking lot and sleep in his car, he choose the latter.

Jay leaned the seat back and closed his eyes, hoping that sleep would come but worry made him restless. He was flipping through radio stations, when the vibration of his phone coming from the passenger seat startled him. He looked over at the Caller ID and immediately panic set in.

"Is she ok? What's going on? Please tell she's still alive." He rapidly fired off the questions, concern lacing his voice.

"Calm down. Where are you? Can you be here in ten?"

"Yeah, no problem." He quickly answered, he was not about to tell his boss he was still in the parking lot.

"Good."

Jay sat in his car for a more few minutes, attempting to get his exhausted body to wake up and also not allowing Voight to have any suspicion that he disobeyed his direct orders. He finally got out and made his way back to the elevator and up to her room.

He knocked before opening the door and was taken back by the sight before him, she looked small, pale, weak, fragile even more so with the tube running down her throat.

"Thanks Halstead." Voight said as he patted him on the shoulder.

"No probl- I didn't know that she was this... Critical." Jay said as his voice broke, struggling to find the words as he studied his unrecognizable partner lying in front of him.

"She's tough, she'll pull through, she's Erin." Voight reassured.

Jay nodded his head as his boss placed a firm hand on his shoulder.

"I'll be back later, let me know if anything changes."

"Sure thing boss."

"And Halstead? No more sleeping in your car."

"I didn-" Jay said surprised.

"Don't lie. I'm a damn good cop and an even better detective. I watched you get out of your car, her window overlooks the parking lot." Voight smirked before walking out the door.

Jay sat down on the couch that folds down to a bed, to the right of her bed, quickly kicking his shoes off and falling back onto the pillow, not expecting to fall asleep anytime soon, his body at whits end. Before settling in, he grabbed Erins hand, gently kissing her knuckles before taking it into his as sleep quickly over took him.

* * *

Jay felt like had had not slept in weeks, which all in all was the truth, he spent most nights keeping an eye on Erin. But that did not stop his eagle like hearing he had acquired from his time in the army. Jay had been asleep most of the night, when he was awaken by an awful sound. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and turned his head towards the heart monitor. _Distress_. He immediately sat up and pressed the nurses' button on the bed rail as he jumped to his feet. No more than ten seconds later two nurses came rushing through the door.

"What happened?" Asked the older nurse.

"I... I don't know, one minute we were both asleep and the next thing I know she started this."

"Good." The other nurse told him.

"Good? How is any of this good?" Jay tried not to yell at the two, but ultimately failed.

"It means that she is fighting the breathing tube. Now sir, we need you to step out so we can do our job."

"No, I'm not leaving her." Jay said as he backed out of the way, up against a wall.

"Fine, just stay out of our way."

Jay did as he was told and stayed back up against the wall, as the nurses did their job. They pushed her bed forward, and tilted her head back, and slowly removed the lifesaving device from her trachea. Once the tube had been removed, they tilted the bed back up and administered a syringe into her IV line.

"Now, we have given her some pain killers to keep her pain levels at a minimum. Once the propofol is out of her system, she should be waking up somewhere here within the next few hours, come and get us when she wakes."

"Thank You." Jay sighed as the nurses walked out the door. He quickly pulled out his phone and made sure to message Voight, even though it was midnight, that was one bad side that Jay certainly did not want to be on.

'Erin's ok. They have removed her breathing tube, said she should be waking up soon.' He messaged their boss.

Jay got up and moved around the room, looking through the window and down onto the people moving around the bustling late nightlife of the windy city. He could care less about what was happening on the streets below him, he was actually jealous of them, how they were moving along with their 'perfect' lives while he was in this sickening sterile environment, impatiently waiting for his partner to wake up.

Jay sat down in the window sill of the room, which was just above the makeshift bed, and began to count the number of ambulances come and leave the Emergency Room, looking towards the hospital bed in the center of the room every few minutes. He soon got very bored and very agitated, his patience running thin, he moved back down to the uncomfortable couch by her bedside. He got up and gave her one last kiss on the forehead before he grabbed her hand and sat back watching late night television. Soon, Jay felt his eyes growing heavier and heavier, he kept telling himself not to go to sleep, that Erin would be waking up soon, but he could not resist the urge, the steady and rhythmic sound of the heart monitor lulling him to sleep.


	5. Silly Woman, Let Me Hold You

**Hey Guys! Hope everyone has a great day! Short update, but I promise that the next chapter is longer. As always, thank you for all the faves and follows, and don't forget to drop a review! :)**

 **S/N: 22 Days till CPD!**

 **Chapter Five - Silly Woman, Let me Hold You (Crazy Girl - Eli Young Band)**

* * *

When Jay woke up he felt more rested than he had in previous weeks, probably because he knew exactly where his partner was. He did not have to worry about something bad happening to her, or worse him or Voight finding her body in an alley or house somewhere. Lord knows what that would do not only to the unit but to him, they were barely coping with Nadia's death as it is.

He went to rub the sleep out of his eyes, but his actions were suddenly halted. His right arm being unable to move, he immediately opened his eyes and turned his head to the side.

"Hi." She said as she looked up to him, his muscular frame overpowering her petite figure.

"Hi?' He laughed, surprised, he could not help but smile at the woman lying in his arms on the small makeshift bed. "When did you wake up?" He asked as he brushed the stray hairs out of her face, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"A few hours ago."

"And you didn't wake me because..."

"Because you look like hell."

"Gee, thanks. I will take that as a compliment. I 'look like hell' and you still just so happened to find your way over here... how?"

"Because I was cold..."

"Because you were cold?" He asked raising his eyebrow.

"Yes, I was cold." She said annoyed "And you make for a nice pillow..."

"Uh-huh."

"Don't you dare psychoanalyze me Jay Halstead."

"I didn't say anything, you were the one thinking it." He said putting his free hand up in surrender, both of them smiling like the Cheshire cat, a familiar feeling of comfort in their banter that they both missed "So, how are you feeling?"

"Better. You know, now that I don't have a bullet inside me an all..." She laughed, rolling her eyes.

"Well I have been told that it is always a good thing when you don't have a piece of copper in you." He told her as she got out of his hold, slowly making her way back to the hospital bed.

"I messed up didn't I?" She spontaneously asked as she slowly got into a comfortable position, wincing at the pain in her abdomen.

Her mind had been asking herself that question since she had crawled her way back into his arms in the middle of the night.

"You haven't done anything to mess up Er. What are you talking about?" Jay told her as he got up from the makeshift bed, pacing the small space to stretch his legs, stopping at the foot of the bed to look her in the eye.

"You're a horrible liar sometimes Halstead. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I'm talking about how I have let everyone in my life down. I'm a failure, to Nadia, to Chicago, to Intelligence, to Voight, to you..." She said ending in a whisper, turning her head away, so the tears would not fall "I have failed this city."

"You cannot say that Linds. You were an inspiration to Nadia, she died having a better life because of you. She was about to become a cop for crying out loud. There's nothing that you or any of us could have done to prevent her death, Yates had his eyes set on her. You got Nadia clean Er, she wouldn't want to see you like this over her, not after you worked so hard to get her the help she finally wanted." He told her not only reassuring her but himself, as he sat next to her on the small bed.

"I know that now Jay, but look at me, I'm out of control."

"Er-" Jay said, his voice cracking as he watched the woman he loves break in front of him. He gently placed his calloused hand against her cheek, his thumb brushing away the stray tear that had fallen.

"I need help Jay. I want help."

"Ok." He said as he pulled his hand away from her cheek, those few words being like music to his ears.

"Ok? Just ok? What, cat got your tongue?"

"What else do you want me to say Erin?"

"I don't know, I was just expecting to hear some sort of big speech."

"You want to hear what I have to say? God, write this down because this a first. You want to know why I look like hell? Maybe it's because I stay up nights on end worrying about you, keeping an eye on you, trying to make sure that you didn't end up lying in some alley or bar, and something happen to you. What if something happened to you like it did Nadia, and me or Voight found your body? Do you have any idea, what that would do to Voight? To me? You died in my fucking arms Erin. You were dead and there was nothing I could do to bring you back. You stooped so low, closed yourself off and got so out of control, that when we tried to help you, that when I tried to help you, you pushed me away. So no, I don't have anything else to say."

Erin could not find the words to speak, because he was right, everything he said was true, in and of itself, she had pushed everyone away, she did not have any concern for those around her that actually cared.

"I'm Sorry." Was all Erin could manage to whisper with another stray tear falling slowly down her cheek as she felt the muscular arms of her partner wrap her, holding her as they leaned back onto the bed.

"Babe, I love you, I will never deny it. Just please don't scare me like that again, ok?" Jay told her as her placed a soft kiss on the top of her forehead, before pulling them both down onto the bed.

Erin gently nodded her head and began to think about what she where she was to go from here, as they both laid in the small bed, slowly drifting off to sleep.

"Jay?" Erin asked as she nuzzled into his body, trying to become more comfortable.

"Mhm?" He drowsily asked as he thumbed circles over her thigh.

"Remember what I told you? In the warehouse?"

Jay stopped his movement, and laid there in silence. "Which part?"

 _"Jay... Just know that, no matter what happens, that if I do happen to make it, I have officially been shot now..." Erin quietly laughed, as she struggled to breathe, her shaky hand caressing her partners' cheek._

 _"Yeah? I mean are you sure?" He asked, as he heard a door open and close behind him, footsteps quietly shuffling in._

 _"Who cares about Hank and his rules, we've ignored them once, I don't see why we can't ignore them again." Erin smiled even though the pain was becoming unbearable, darkness was quickly making its way to her._

 _She continued to whisper to him the last thought to run through her mind, just as she felt the pain go away. "I love you." She told him as the pain and shock of her injuries overtook her body, quickly causing her heart to give out under the amount of stress._

 _"Erin? Lindsay! No, no, no. Don't do this to me!" Jay said as he felt for a pulse, one that had been there before, now gone._

"All of it... I don't care what Hank has to say anymore, I took his goddamn bullet."

"Let's just take it one step at a time Er, baby steps." Jay drowsily laughed.

"And Halstead, another thing?" Erin said just before sleep claimed her.

"Yeah?"

"You will always be my back-up." She said smiling as she drifted off.

"I know."


	6. Hold you Til' you Come Unwound

**Hey Guys! Hope everyone is having an awesome day or evening! As always, thank you for the follows/faves/reviews! Hope you enjoy! :)**

 **S/N: 15 days (and 10 hours...) till CPD Returns and with the still pics that were released, I personally cannot wait!**

 **Chapter Six - H** **old you Til' you Come Unwound (If You Were My Girl - Brett Eldredge)**

* * *

The next time Jay woke up, it was late afternoon, Erin was still sound asleep beside him in the small hospital bed, her hand in his and her head resting on his shoulder.

"So tell me Halstead, where do we go from here?" He heard a gruff voice ask from behind the Chicago-Sun Times newspaper across the room, which startled him.

"Well, she said that she wants help, and I think that we need to give it to her, sir." Jay told him quietly, releasing Erins small hand, suddenly feeling vulnerable in the position that they were both laying in front of Voight.

"And just how do you suggest we do that?" Voight asked as he turned a page, still not looking up from his paper.

"I think that we need to get her to see someone that she can talk to, hell, open up to, other than you or myself. Secondly, she needs to move out of her apartment and temporarily move in with someone, there are too many bad memories at that apartment and if she lived on her own she would probably go back to Bunny. And third, she needs as much support that she can possibly get, and we need to give it to her."

"Ok, I will make some calls." Voight told him, even though he had already taken care of most of it.

Jay nodded his head, feeling movement on his chest.

"Good Morning." She smiled as she looked up towards him.

"Afternoon." Voight said as he finally placed his paper down onto a small table.

"What are you doing here?" She questioned, suddenly realizing why Jays body was tensed up.

"What, can I not be here?" Voight joked.

"Yeah, I guess, I just wasn't expecting you to be here, you know you and your hatred of hospitals." Erin responded as she slowly sat up, cringing at the pain in her abdomen.

"I can temporarily get over my hate of hospitals, if you are admitted to one Erin."

"Thanks? I guess." She said rolling her eyes as Will walked into the room dressed in green scrubs and a white lab coat with a tablet in his hands.

"Good Afternoon ladies and Voight, I see that sleeping beauty has finally awoken." He joked, walking into the room.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny." Jay spoke to his older brother.

"You are the one that wore a dress when you were four."

"Yeah, because you and mom thought that it would make for some good pictures!" Jay retorted.

"You're also the one-"

"Guys! Calm down! Some of us were shot here." Erin yelled over the two.

"Sorry.." They both mumbled like children that had been caught red handed with their hand in the cookie jar.

"Accepted. As long as I get to see the pictures of Halstead in a dress." She said looking towards Will who gave her a nod and a thumbs up.

"Hey! No, that will never happen!" Jay said defensively.

"If you three could stop arguing long enough for Will here to speak, that would be appreciated." Voight finally spoke up, even though he was highly entertained.

"Thank you, Hank." Will said receiving a glare from the Sargent, "Voight. Sir. Anyways, congratulations Erin, you have officially gotten on the bad side of several nurses on the floor."

"But I haven't even done-" Erin said defending herself.

"Patience you must have my young padawan." Will said resulting in a 'nerd' cough from his brother and an eye roll from the other two "You have gotten on the bad side of the nurses but, we are discharging you today so it doesn't matter."

"Ok... So what kind of injury did I suffer exactly?"

"You were shot in the upper left quadrant of the abdomen so we rushed you to emergency surgery. The bullet had shredded part of your bowel, small intestine and nicked part of your liver and left lung. You were bleeding into your left lung which explained the lack of blood outside your body. We repaired and removed the damage to our best ability and there should be no complications. Oh, and you died at the scene but was successfully resuscitated by an AED."

"I got shot and died yesterday... And you're releasing me today?"

"Technically speaking yes, we feel that you have made a miraculous recovery for your situation over the past twenty or so hours and since you have a great support system, you are allowed to go home, we just need you fill out your discharge papers and you are good to go. Any questions?"

Erin took a few seconds to think before she told him no and with that Will took his tablet and made his way back out into the hall, leaving the room in an awkward state.

"So..." Erin said breaking the tension "where do we go from here?"

"I'm going to go get your paperwork and a wheelchair..." Jay said as he left the room.

"Well, Halstead and I have agreed that-"

"Wait, you both agree on something? I must be dreaming." She joked.

"You will start going to AA meetings, at least twice a week and seeing a psychiatrist weekly to begin with. Me and Halstead will re-arrange our schedules to work with yours."

"Ok."

"You will also be moving, we feel as though your apartment has too many bad memories so you will be moving out this weekend and back into your old room at my house."

"So pretty much I am a teenager again?"

"I didn't say that."

"But you were thinking it. Why do I have to move in with you? Why can't I move in with Dawson or Halstead?"

"Because Erin, it's for the better."

"So when do I get the ankle monitor?" Erin joked.

"You're not on probation, you're just temporarily bounded to the house."

"So, since I am not under house arrest, I assume that someone will be babysitting me?"

"We are going to cross that bridge when we come to it, but yes, someone from the district will be watching over you."

Erin rolled her eyes.

"Alright, I have some paperwork and your wheelchair." Jay said as he strolled back into the room.

"Listen, I've got to get to back to the district. Halstead, take her to her place, get her some clothes then bring her to my house." Voight said as he walked towards the bed, placing a hand on Erin's ankle giving it a squeeze before walking out the door.

Erin filled out her paperwork and got dressed in some scrubs that the nurses lent her, and was discharged from the hospital within the hour.

"I don't need the wheelchair." Erin said before they left the room.

"Yes you do." He argued as they walked out of the room.

"No I don't, I can make it just fine."

"Fine, you want to walk? You can walk. Jay told her as he stood a few feet behind her with the chair.

"How are we doing up there?" He asked as they slowly made it to the elevator.

"Fine." Erin said as she leaned up against the wall, she was not about to tell him about the amount of pain she was in, how she could use a shot of the good stuff and how she could go for a glass of whiskey right now.

"If you say so, you look like death made over to me."

"Thanks." Erin said as she rolled her eyes, stepping on to the elevator.

They rode the car down, and onto the first floor.

"You're going to kill me, for letting you do all this later..." Jay said as they stepped off.

"Shut up, I need to build my strength back. The quicker the better, so then I can return to work."

"Alright you know what... We're not doing this." Jay said as he let go of the chair and walked in front of Erin.

"Doing what? We're not doing anything." Erin told him as she felt Jay pulling her into the chair.

"Oh, you know we were, we just won't ever admit it to Voight."

"Yeah..." Erin sighed with a smile on her face.

They made it to the waiting car Chrysler 300, where Jay helped her in onto the passenger side.

"Don't get used to the wheel Halstead." She told him, placing her head against the cool glass, closing her eyes.

"Never." He smiled as he put the car in drive, driving off towards her apartment.


	7. I Wanna Hide the Truth

**Hey guys! Hope y'all are having a rockin' Tuesday. As always thank you for the reviews/faves/follows! Let me know what you think of this chapter, enjoy! :)**

 **S/N: Can you believe we are now in single digits! 8 days guys! We can do this!**

 **Chapter Seven - I Wanna Hide the Truth (Demons - Imagine Dragons)**

* * *

Jay took his time heading towards Erins apartment, trying to avoid all the potholes, bumps, and cracks in the deteriorating Chicago roads.

"God, could you drive any slower?" Erin asked, her eyes still closed.

"Sorry... I just didn't want to hurt you.." He looked towards her giving her an apologetic look.

"It's fine, that's why they prescribed me the good stuff." Erin smiled, finally feeling her last dose of hospital meds kicking in.

Jay thought about telling her that they actually did not, that the strongest thing she was allowed to take would be Ibuprofen but he would let her find out about that on her own.

They arrived to her apartment, Jay quickly jumping out of the drivers seat, running around to the passenger side opening the door and helping her out.

"Ever the gentleman Halstead?"

"You would know. Now come on, lets go, this is worse than you being drunk." He laughed without realizing what he was saying.

"We both know what happens on the rare occasion of me becoming drunk..."

* * *

 _"Oh come on!" Erin yelled at the TV before taking a sip of her beer. "That is totally our ball! That ref needs to get his damn eyes checked!"_

 _Jay sat opposite of Erin on the couch, staring at her. They had been partners for a little over a year, and it had become part of their ritual, every weekend they would be at one or the others apartment, to watch the sporting event in season, it was football season so they were watching the Bears play. This week they were at Jay's, watching the Bears play against the Cowboys._

 _"What are you staring at you perv?" Erin joked glancing towards Jay who was staring her down._

 _"Nothing, just you and your die hard passion of football will never become old to me." He laughed._

 _"So? Can a girl not like football?" She asked as she got up and made her way to the fridge, grabbing them both another beer._

 _"I never said that. All I am saying is that you are more into the sport than any college guy I have ever met."_

 _"So? I know my sports." She retorted. "Alright, say if Vereen can make an interception off this next play, I will take a shot, if he misses you take a shot." She said sitting two glasses and a bottle of Jack Daniels she found in his cupboard on the coffee table, noting that the Cowboys were currently in possession of the ball on the forty-five yard line before they called a timeout._

 _"Shouldn't it be the other way around? Where you take a shot if he misses? Besides there is no way he could get an interception!"_

 _"It's been a long week Halstead, I have a lot on my mind and deserve to drink." She shrugged her shoulders, filling the shot glasses._

 _"Alright, you're on."_

 _"Romo throws it deep to Williams... And it is intercepted by Vereen! What a catch! And he's still running! At the 20. At the 15. 10. 5. Touchdown Bears!"_

 _"Oh! What now!" Erin yelled as she downed the amber liquor._

 _"And maybe I was wrong."_

 _"Alright, since you seem to be against your own team tonight, I say we switch it up. Every time the Bears score you take a shot. Every time the Cowboys score I take a shot."_

 _"Deal."_

 _*One Hour Later*_

 _"And that's your ballgame! Cowboys beat the Bears 24-21." The announcer said before signing off._

 _"That's what, your fourth shot Lindsay?"_

 _"Five shots and two beers to be exact, and I am still going strong."_

 _"And just how exactly are you planning on driving home tonight?"_

 _"I... I'm not..." She slightly stuttered._

 _"And so you are just inviting yourself to stay over?"_

 _"Maybe..." Erin said as she gave Jay a pouting lip._

 _"Fine, it's not the first time." Jay sighed, rolling his eyes._

 _"You know you love me Halstead." She spoke not realizing what was drunkenly coming off her lips._

 _"Sometimes that's debatable." Jay laughed as he got up, moving towards his bedroom chest-of-drawers. "Here." Jay said throwing something towards her as he sat back down on the couch, pouring himself another shot of alcohol._

 _"A shirt?"_

 _"Yeah, figured you didn't want to sleep in your work clothes like usual."_

 _"Thanks." Erin said as she got up and stumbled her way towards the bathroom where she quickly got changed._

 _Erin made her way back out and sat down on the sofa, she had her hair pulled up into a messy bun, wearing nothing but underwear and his large burgundy cotton shirt that just barely came down to the top of her thighs, showing the difference in their stature. Jay took a double take and unintentionally stared._

 _"Got something you want to say Halstead?"_

 _"Nope." He said as he felt his face turn red, repositioning himself on the cushion, an uncomfortable pressure growing in the fabric of his jeans._

 _"Didn't think so." Erin said as she leaned back into his chest, stretching her legs out next to his on the coffee table._

 _"Trashy TV or Netflix?" Jay asked, throwing his arm over her shoulder, slowly letting his fingers dance along, seeing just how far they were both willing to let this go._

 _"Hmmm. Netflix. I'm in an Arrow mood..." said Erin as she casually placed a hand on his upper thigh, looking up towards him, her hand returning the fire to Jay from where his hand had elicited a spark, like gasoline to a flame on her shoulder._

 _"Is that so?" He asked pressing play on the remote, as he slightly turned his body towards her, leaning in as he glanced between her lips and eyes._

 _He tilted his head ever so slightly, now just centimeters from Erin as her hand slowly crept up his chest. He was about to encase her lips onto his when they were rudely interrupted by an obnoxious loud knock on the door._

 _Erin pulled back and let out a small sigh as she mentally chastised herself for letting them take this too far, but in the back of her head she knew more than anything that she desperately wanted to take it that far and more._

 _Jay jumped up off the couch, clearing his throat and glancing back at Erin as he walked over to the door._

 _"Halstead."_

 _"Antonio, Can I help you?" Jay asked as he stepped out into the hallway, not giving his colleague a chance to come in, as he quickly shut the door behind him._

 _"Yeah, you were supposed to meet us at Molly's tonight but since you didn't show and aren't answering your phone, I just wanted to make sure everything was alright."_

 _"Yeah, no, everything is fine. Thanks."_

 _"You sure? You seem a little jumpy."_

 _"Huh? Oh yeah, I had a few too many drinks and was passed out on the couch, wasn't expecting anyone to be coming by. You're lucky I didn't shoot you."_

 _"Ok, well hopefully you can find time to join us next week. And if you happen to see Lindsay, bring her along too, that child never gets out." Dawson said as he walked backwards, down the hall. "Will do 'Toni. See you tomorrow.." Jay said as he quickly made his way back into the apartment._

 _Jay shut and locked the door, dead bolting it before he quickly turned around, hoping to find Erin on the couch watching TV, but disappointment fell on his face when he seen she was no longer there, as he was met with a black screen._

 _"Erin?" He asked as he began to head towards his bedroom. He walked through the doorframe, and with the glow of the moon seeping through the blinds of the windows he could see an intoxicated and sleep deprived Erin Lindsay, laying on the right side of the bed, a comforter pulled up to her face, her hair falling gently on both sides of her face. He could not suppress the smile on his face._

 _He quickly stripped down, and out of his jeans and t-shirt, quickly throwing on a pair of sweatpants over his boxers before pulling the comforter back on the bed and crawling under the covers._

 _He laid down on the mattress, turning to face Erin._

 _"Goodnight Er." He raspily spoke, his voice no more than a whisper as he felt her come closer, her legs entangle with his, her hand reaching out for his, as though they had been doing this for years._

 _"Goodnight Jay."_

 _Jay felt like he had been asleep no more than just a few hours when he awoke to his alarm clock the next morning with a splitting headache as he opened his eyes. He went to move and slap a hand on the annoying machinery, but his actions were stopped._

 _"You going somewhere Halstead?" He felt her voice vibrate against his skin, her warm breath sending chills up his spine. Her hand laying across his bare chest, with their legs still tangled._

 _"Good Morning to you too Lindsay." He laughed as he finally turned the obnoxious beeping off._

 _"So, I've been thinking..."_

 _"Thought I smelled something burning." He joked before being pushed out of his bed. "Hey! What was that for?"_

 _"For being a smartass, you dumbass." She laughed at his disheveled look and snuck a glance at his well-toned body._

 _"Anyways, you were thinking..." Jay said as he climbed back into the bed, turning to face Erin._

 _"And I think I am gonna take the job with the task force..."_

 _"Oh." Jay sighed as he rolled on to his back, taking in everything she just told him. 'We won't work together anymore.' Running through his head._

 _"I just think that it will be for the better, I need to see just who I could become without him, make a name for myself."_

 _"Ok."_

 _"Is that the only word in your vocabulary Jay?"_

 _"Erin, I will always be here. No matter what decision you make.." He told her as he reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers, giving her a sense of reassurance._

* * *

They made it to the stairs that led to her apartment from inside the lobby, her elevator still broke from maintenance's claim that the part was back ordered. And that was said well over a year ago.

"You sure you can do this?" Jay asked Erin as she held onto the railing in her left and his hand in her right hand, taking the fourth step up.

"I'm fine." She grimaced.

"No, you're stubborn." He mumbled under his breath.

"I heard that."

After ten minutes they finally reached the landing of the second floor.

"Well, one floor down, six more to go." Erin breathed out, trying to catch her breath.

"You know what, no, we're not doing this." Jay said as he bent over, placing an arm under Erins knees and another one on her shoulder before picking her up and carrying her up the stairs.

"Jay! What are you doing?" Erin laughed as she threw her arms around his neck.

"I, am carrying you up to your apartment."

"I was doing just fine by myself you know."

"So you tell me."

Erin rolled her eyes, and winced ever so often in a slight amount of pain as they made it her floor.

"See? Now if I had not of been here, you would have still been trying to make it up those stairs by yourself." Jay said as he placed her back on two feet at her door.

"What would I do without my househusband?" Erin smiled slightly as she looked for her key, quickly realizing it was still in her apartment.

"Be locked out of your apartment." Jay joked as he pulled out his own key to her apartment.

As they stepped into the apartment, Jay was immediately hit with a familiar scent, a smell particular to Erin Lindsay, something of laundry detergent and gun powder but he was also hit with a new smell that became over powering, _alcohol_. He glanced around her apartment, noting the scratches and faint remnants of a white powder on the coffee table, the different types of bottles of alcohol in her sink, the dust that lined the shelves and the clothes that littered the floor.

"You sure you can do this?" Jay asked as he gently took hold of her hand.

"Yeah, I just... I need to move on. Let me go pack some clothes so we can leave." Erin said as she pulled herself out of his hand and made her way towards her bedroom.

Erin slowly stepped foot into her bedroom, and she immediately wished she never came back to this place.

There on the bed was part of the reminder of what got her into this condition in the first place.

Her gun was laying in the middle of the bed, the photo off her nightstand and three envelopes laying on the right side of the bed.

She immediately felt the tears dwell in the corners of her eyes as her hands began to shake as she began to doubt herself.

"You need some help?" She heard Jay yell from the living room, his voice growing noticeably closer.

Erin quickly pulled herself together and somehow got the energy to run across the room to the bed at her best ability, sliding the envelopes and gun under a pillow.

"No, I'm fine." Erin yelled back as she placed the picture frame back on the nightstand.

"You sure?" Jay asked as he leaned in the doorway, taking note of her glassy eyes and shaking hands.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm sure." Erin said as she reached into her closet for her suitcase.

"You know, I always have loved this picture." Jay said as he sat down on the bed, reaching for the same picture Erin had just put up.

"Yeah, me too." Erin smiled as she packed a variety of clothes into the suitcase.

The photo in question, was taken at the district by Ruzek. Jay was sitting at his desk with Erin leaning over him, both intently looking at the monitor of the desktop computer, with Nadia in the background on the phone, looking at the both of them, a huge smile planted on her face.

"You know, she would have never admitted this to us, but Nadia knew." Erin said from the bathroom.

"Admit to you? Not so much. But I figured she knew when she threatened to chop off my balls right after we cooled it." Jay laughed.

"Really?"

"Yeah, she came over to my place one night after shift and proceeded to kick me in the family jewels -her specialty- and then threatened to chop them off and hang them over the mantle, because she thought that I was the one that ended things between, until I explained everything to her." Jay said, his voice trailing off as he recalled the memory.

"Well that explains why she came home with two six packs, tons of takeout and like five kinds of ice cream that one night." Erin said standing from the bathroom door frame.

"She would have made a damn good cop. Hell, probably an even better detective." Jay thought aloud as he leaned back over the bed, replacing the picture as Erin returned to the bathroom

He was about to stand when something caught his eye. He looked up towards the bathroom door, making sure that Erin had went back to packing before he quickly pulled the rest of the black piece of metal out from underneath the pillow, pulling an envelope that came sliding out with it.

He quickly flipped the thick paper over, curiosity getting the best of him, his eyes immediately grew wide and his heart dropped.

' _Jay_.' The front of the envelope read.

He quickly felt around for anymore, and was shocked to pull out two more envelopes.

' _Hank_.' The second one read.

' _Nadia_.' Read the last one.

He placed two of the envelopes and the gun down beside him, before tearing into the letter.

 _'Halstead. I can hope this letter brings you comfort instead of sorrow, but ultimately I know better. After being partners for almost three years and something for two months, you get to know someone well. I bet this is surprising to you, you would never think that someone that was once as strong as I, would stoop to this level, but I feel as though all I am good for and will ever be good for is wasting oxygen. What's one less person in this world, right?_

 _When the others mention my name, don't snap at them because they are hurting too. Keep an eye on Hank and Al for me, because lord know what this will do to them. Don't forget to torcher Ruzek for me, and tell Dawson that if he names your new boxing gym after me, I will haunt his ass._

 _And lastly, you Detective Jay Halstead, are my best friend, my partner, my backup, my knight in shining Kevlar and well possibly my love. Don't look back and wish you could have done more to help me. Because I'm helpless. I'm sorry. -Er_ ' He read as the paper fell to the ground, as he sat motionless.

It was all partially making sense now. The photo she was replacing on the nightstand. Her glassy eyes and shaky hands. The gun under the pillow. She tried to kill herself. But something happened, something stopped her and he wanted to know what, and that was only one of a million questions running through his head.

"Alright, I think I have officially packed everything but the kitchen sink into two bags, which reminds me I need to grab my laptop and chargers. Other than that, let's get out of here." He heard her talk as she walked towards the bedroom, he quickly pushed the gun back under the pillow and folded the letters, shoving them into his back pocket.

"Yeah, let me carry your bags."

"Would you also mind carrying me back down too. Pretty please?" She begged, before sticking her bottom lip out and giving him sad puppy dog eyes.

"Fine." Jay said rolling his eyes.

Erin placed a kiss on his cheek before he reluctantly pulled back. He knew he needed to confront her, but it felt as though, for a second, that the old Lindsay was finally back and finally his, and he was not about to mess it up. Not yet anyways...


	8. Running from a Warzone

**Hey Guys! Hopefully your week is going as awesome as mine because we only have TWO DAYS of pure agony left! We finally made it!**

 **Chapter Eight - Running from a Warzone (Warzone - The Wanted)**

* * *

"You know Erin, if I am going to keep carrying you like this, we might as well get married." Jay joked he carried Erin down the stairs bridal style.

"Me get married? Never in a million years Jay." Erin said rolling her eyes.

"You never know Er, maybe I can change your mind." He told her with a sense of confidence as he put her back down on two feet in the lobby.

Erin blushed, Jay's admission leaving her speechless. Jay could not help but smile at her shyness, he never knew Erin Lindsay to have a nervous bone in her body, but the fact that she was shy towards him, gave him hope that they could move past all the tragedy that had occurred over the past six months.

They made their way back out to the car, Jay helping Erin into the passenger side before making his way around to the driver's side.

The drive to Voights from Erins apartment took no more than ten minutes, but to Erin it seemed like a lifetime, the last place she thought she would be at thirty years old would be living back under the roof of the cop that took her in, moving back into the room she had as a teenager.

As they pulled up to the curb, Erin knew her life was about to become a living hell. There stood her pseudo father, the only father figure she has ever had, on the front steps of his house, his arms crossing his chest, a gruff look on his face. Voight looked like a father fixing to interrogate the first boy she has brought home to meet him, all that was missing was a double barrel shotgun - which she knew he had in his gun cabinet.

Jay threw the car into park, shutting the engine off, popping the trunk open before jumping out and running around the car to help Erin out and up the few steps.

"Welcome back." Voight said as he walked down the sidewalk and to the car.

"Like I have a choice." She mumbled under her breath as she brushed past him, walking through the front door.

"You know where your room is." Voight said as he helped Jay carry in one of her bags.

They made their way into the house and up flight of stairs while Erin laid down, making herself comfortable on the couch. They turned left and walked down a small hallway, walking through the first door on the left.

"How's she doing?" Voight asked as he set the bag down, before opening it up.

"Well... Um.."

"Spit it out Halstead."

Jay reached into his back pocket, pulling out the thin paper material, and with a shaky hand he handed it over to Voight.

"So it has come to this..." He sighed as he took two of the envelopes, before he began rummaging through her bags, looking for any hidden bottles of alcohol or small packets of drugs.

"What are we going to do." He said more as a statement than a question.

"Nothing. Damn near nothing." Voight said before closing up the bags and making his way out of the room and back down the stairs and to the kitchen.

Voight went to the kitchen counter, pulling a bottle of aspirin out of a plastic bag, opening the bottle and pouring two white pills in his hand, before he fixed a glass of water and walked into the living room, sitting the items onto the coffee table before taking a seat in a recliner across the room from Erin. Jay was on the other side of the room, leaned up against the door frame.

"I can hear you both thinking from here." Erin said, still laid on the couch, her eyes closed. "So will one of you spit it out already."

"Where's it at?" Voight asked, starting off easy.

"Where's what?" She sighed as she slowly sat up, taking her medication.

"The alcohol and the drugs Erin."

"Don't know what you're talking about."

"Damn it Erin, tell me the fucking truth." Voight spat.

"Fine. Let's see... I ran out of booze days ago, didn't have a chance to get more, and my last line was about a week ago, I bought some a few days ago but couldn't find the nerve or want to take it." She said crossing her arms.

"Ok. Take your meds and lay back down, dinner will be ready in a few." Voight said as he stood.

Voight knew not to push any further, he knew when Erin was shutting down and Erin knew when to shut down. He knew that she would either open up in time or close herself off to the world, he felt since she had already been closed off, it was time for her to open up.

Erin laid back down on the couch, Jay followed Voight into the kitchen where he was pulling pans out of cabinets and food out of the refrigerator.

"So, what now?" Jay asked as he took a seat at the bar.

"That's entirely up to her."

"What if she relapses?"

"Halstead, she said she wants the help, so we're going to give her the help she has asked for. We've been down this road once, and it wasn't easy, I hope you're prepared."

"Yes sir."

"And Halstead? If you ever tell me to shove my orders up my ass again, I will transfer you to Crossing Guard duty so fast.." Voight threatened, holding a knife for what he assumed was dramatic effect.

"Yes sir." Jay said as he backed out of the kitchen, heading back towards the living room.

He took a seat in a recliner next to Erin, looking her over as she rested on the couch. Her color had returned since leaving the hospital but she still looked small and fragile to him.

"Didn't your mom ever teach you it's not polite to stare Halstead?" Erin smiled, her eyes still closed.

"Yeah, and she also taught me not to let a good thing go when you have it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means Erin, that I want you. I want you waking up beside me in the bed every morning. I want to kiss you in the break room and not have to worry about getting caught. I want you to take my last name. I love you and I want a future Erin, one with you in it, but in order for that to happen I need the truth."

"I've told you everything Jay."

"Tell me about the envelopes Erin."

The room got deathly silent, you could faintly hear Voight moving about in the kitchen, before Erin slowly sat up once again on the couch.

"Our partnership is built on trust, a foundation where we can rely on one another and cover each other's backs and I want whatever our relationship is, to be too. So, tell me about the envelopes."

Erin thought for a second, struggling to find her words before letting out a sigh. "I don't think I can."

"You don't think that you can tell me how you planned to kill yourself? How evidently the only out you could see was through a bullet?" Jay asked her as his voice began to raise.

"I don't know..." She said as she began to pick at the blanket in her lap.

"You know what Erin," Jay said as he got up and made his way to the front door. "When you do figure it out, you know where to find me." He said before slamming the front door.

Erin sat there motionless as a few tears strayed down her cheek, her mind running a mile a minute, replaying everything that has happened the past few days.

"What did you do?" Voight sighed as he leaned up against the wall.

"It's more like what didn't I do.." Erin said, quickly composing herself, wiping away the few tears on her face.

"Erin..." Voight sighed once more before he sat down next to her on the couch.

"I'm hungry, lets eat." She said getting off the sofa.

"You're avoiding the conversation..."

"Yep."

They went to the kitchen and made their plates, sitting down at the table as they made small talk.

"You've barely eaten."

"I'm full." She lied as she pushed her plate away.

"You remember, after we first took you in, when I about had a heart attack because I thought you had ran away, and Camille found you in here, sitting in the floor eating a tub of Cookie Dough ice cream?"

"Yeah, it was like two o'clock in the morning and she just went over to the drawer, grabbed a spoon and sat down next to me, never saying a word." Erin smiled at the memory.

"She always told me that it was y'all's 'bonding time'."

"Damn it, I miss her Hank." Erin said as a few tears began to dwell in her eyes.

"I know. Believe me, I know." Voight said as he got up, placing a light kiss in Erins hair.

"I think I am going to call it a night." Erin said as she got up from the table.

"Goodnight." Voight acknowledged as he cleaned up the dinner dishes.

Erin slowly made her way up the stairs, having no one to carry her made her old room seem farther than what it was. When she finally reached her room, she went to change out of her clothes, opening one of the suitcases on the bed, before rummaging through it in search of what she needed, her hands finally skimming the bottom, pulling out a thin black cotton shirt, his shirt. One of the many shirts that had been shredded off during the short time they were together, but one of the few that got left at her place after they cooled it. She quickly slipped out of her clothes and slid the thin material on, which took her back to the good times, the better times.

She pulled the luggage off the bed, sliding it to the side, before crawling under the cold covers that encased her, she hoped that sleep would come and take her to a better place, a better life, in her land of dreams, but she was faced with reality as she restlessly tossed and turned the night away, turning to look at the clock almost every hour.

It was soon six, 'might as well get up.' Erin thought to herself, as she made her way to her bathroom. She quickly showered, but not before taking all the hot water, got dressed and made her way downstairs, not overly excited to see what Voight has planned for her for the day.

"You're up early." Voight said, as he sat at the kitchen table reading the morning paper. "Coffees fresh."

"Yeah, couldn't sleep." She said as she poured herself a cup.

"Well, that's a good thing because you have your first therapy session in about an hour."

"I don't need therapy..." She mumbled as she took a sip of the hot caffeine.

"Says you, but our terms were you talk, you come back to work. You're haven't talked to me, you've done and went an pissed Halstead off, so what other choices do we have?"

"Fine." she grumbled, letting out a sigh.

XXXXXXXXXX

Erin sat in the waiting room, flipping through a gossip magazine, reading the latest news on who was dating who in Hollywood. 'How can people actually read this trash?' She thought to herself.

"Erin Lindsay?" She heard the receptionist call her name.

She threw the magazine down on the table in front of her as she stood, making her way across the room to an open door before someone led her down a small hallway.

'No turning back now Erin.' She thought to herself as she entered the small room.


	9. Would You Still Love me the Same?

**Chapter Nine - Would You Still Love me the Same? (Locked Away - R. City)**

* * *

"Erin?" She heard a distant voice call her name as it pulled her away from her thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Miss Lindsay, you have been coming here for almost a month, and you have yet to say a more than a few words. Now, I know that the Chicago Police Department is not paying you nor forcing you to sit here, in fact I wouldn't even say that you come here against your will."

Erin just sat there, and turned her head back towards the window, that somewhat overlooked the Windy City.

"We're not promised tomorrow you know. In this line of work our lives can be taken from us in an instant, yet, here I sit, for an hour twice a week, while my brothers and sisters in blue across the world are being killed in cold blood."

"Was someone close to you one of those people?"

"Nadia. Nadia DeCotis. She was a friend, it was my birthday and I got her killed."

"How could your birthday have gotten someone killed Miss Lindsay, doesn't that seem illogical?"

"God, everyone keeps telling me the same thing 'Your birthday didn't get her killed Erin. Yates had his eyes set on her, that's why he took her.' Like what the hell is that supposed to mean? That she was his trophy? He left her laying in this make shift land field like she was yesterday's trash."

"Erin, I want you to take a few deep breaths and close your eyes." The doctor said as she placed her pen and paper on a side table.

"Really doc?"

"Trust me."

Erin closed her eyes but not before rolling them and took several deep breaths.

"Now, I want you to think of a happier time, and briefly tell me who you are with or what is happening." She requested, picking her notepad back up.

"My partner, Halstead. We are in my car." Erin says smiling.

"Good, now this Halstead, were they there when you found Ms. DeCotis?"

Erin nodded her head.

"I want you to think. I want you to go back to that day, from the moment she was taken, all the way till you both found her."

"I don't think I-"

"Yes you can, take a few more deep breaths, and think."

Erin took several deep breaths and began to concentrate on the events of Nadia's disappearance.

 _Erin was exhausted, Yates had been leading the entire Intelligence team and the Special Victims Unit on a wild goose chase from Chicago to New York after Nadia for the past day._

 _'This is my fault.' Ran thorough Erin's mind as they combed the woods of Pelham Bay Park 'If I had just stopped her, told her to just forget about my birthday, stay inside Nadia. Then-'_

 _"Hey Sarge!" someone yelled._

 _Erin felt her heart drop and a few tears begin fall as she made her way over, she knew, she knew what they were fixing to find. And nothing could prepare her._

 _She slowed her pace as the tears sped-up, rolling down her cheek, she looked towards the sandy area where she seen Nadias body wrapped in a black trash bag and a green tarp. She faintly heard someone give their condolences, as she felt her world come crumbling down around her, her legs become weak and she felt as though she might fall but instead she felt a pair of arms wrap around her, holding her up and pulling her in close._

 _Her senses became sentient to his familiar touch, to his smell, a smell particular to Jay Halstead of old spice and gun powder. He held her like there was no tomorrow, like he would never let go._

"Now tell me Erin, what did you notice, about yourself, about your actions, your reactions."

"I... I... She was like a sister to me, and I couldn't find her, I couldn't stop him from... From doing those god awful things to her."

"You can't save everyone Erin."

"I know, but I saved her once, I guess I just thought I could save her again..."

"But who is supposed to save you, Erin?"

"What?"

"You want to save everyone, but who is supposed to save you Erin? Who is supposed to catch you if you fall?"

"I... I haven't really thought about it. Hank rescued me from my mother and Charlie. And Jay has kind of pulled me out from this hole I was buried in."

"Jay? Who's Jay?"

"My partner, well ex-partner and ex-boyfriend."

"Ex-Partner and Ex-Boyfriend?" the therapist asked, raising her eyebrow curiously.

"Yeah, long story short. We were together until bossman figured it out and in his unit relationships are forbidden, we remained partners up until I quit. He saved me from dying after I was shot, I thought everything was good until he walked out after I was released from the hospital."

"Do you know why he walked out?"

Erin stayed quiet, returning her gaze out the window.

"Did something happen, Erin?" The psychiatrist pressed.

"I... Before I got shot, I tried to kill myself, ok? But the gun jammed and I had written a letter to Him, and after I got released from Med we went by my apartment where I guess he found it." Erin sighed as she felt a small amount of weight lifted off her shoulders.

"Why didn't you want him to know?"

"Because after my thoughts and the jammed gun, I went for a walk to clear my head and I realized something..."

"And what would that be?"

"That I love him. He makes me so damn angry sometimes and he can be beyond annoying but that's just some of what makes him so... Jay."

"Have you told him this?"

"I-" Erin was saying before she was interrupted by a chime.

"Well Miss Lindsay, it seems as though our hour is up for today. Now, your next appointment is for Thursday but before then, I would like you to contact Mr. Halstead, preferably face to face, I want you to tell him everything you have told me today."

"But what about doctor-patient confidentiality?"

"In your case, I don't think that applies to today's topic. Ok?"

"I'll try."

* * *

"Hey kid, how'd it go?" Voight asked as she got into the car.

"Fine."

Voight nodded his head in acknowledgement as he cranked the SUV, not going to push the topic any further after the argument they had after her first trip.

The car stayed silent, neither of the occupants saying a word, the quite sounds of music playing in the background and the hum of the engine was slowly letting the tension release off of Erin. She was ready to go back 'home', sink into the couch, and relax with some trashy television and a pint of Ice Cream, but it seemed as though Hank has other plans.

"Where are we going?" She asked as they passed the normal street they go down to go back to his house.

"We've got a big case going on right now and I need to swing by the district, finish a report and grab a few files."

"And you couldn't just drop me off at the house?"

"Cheaper on gas to bring you with me instead of running in circles." He lied. They did have a big case, but his main intention was in bringing Erin to the precinct.

Erin let out a sigh, there was no point in fighting a war she knew she couldn't win.

They pulled up in front of the precinct, where Voight jumped out, Erin hesitating as she slowly opened the door, picking up her pace as she ran to catch up with him.

"Erin, have I missed seeing your face. Your partner, Detective Chuckles has been frying what very few nerves I have left." She heard Platt say as she made her way towards the stairs that lead to intelligence. Erin gave a small smile, feeling the eyes of everyone else in the room looking towards her.

Voight had the gate unlocked by the time she reached the top, holding it open for her, she made her way up the ever so familiar stairs. When she reached the top, Voight had already surpassed her and was headed towards his office, her eyes drifted towards her desk and then across to his, expecting to see his surprised face looking back at her. She was disappointed, when she seen an empty and rugged leather chair. She glanced around the room, noticing that in fact, no one was there.

"Where is everyone?" She thought aloud.

"Like I said, big case, they are all out chasing down leads. Except Dawson, I think he is talking to a CI. You can sit or nap or whatever in my office if you'd like."

Erin only heard half of what came out of his mouth, she became distracted and headed towards her desk instead, running her fingers across the smooth top before she sat down in her chair and leaned back.

' _I forgot how comfortable this chair can be._ ' She thought as she closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them, she scanned her small work space, it was almost exactly how she had left it. Almost. Something was out of place but she couldn't put her finger on it.

 _'Computer - Check. Grenade paper weight - Check.'_ She went through the mental checklist, before she began opening up drawers.

 _'What the hell is it?_ ' She thought as she wracked her brain. No sooner than she had finished her thought, she heard voices coming up the stairs, causing her to remember what was missing.

"So then this guy sai-." But the voice stopped short of finishing the conversation.

"Hi, you must be new here, I'm Adam, this is Kevin." Ruzek joked as he walked over, extending his hand out to Erin, but not before being punched in the shoulder by Atwater.

"Put a sock in it Ruzek." She glared.

"Glad to have you back Lindsay." Adam finally acknowledged before sitting at his desk.

As the afternoon went on, Erin made use of herself and starting filing the several months' worth of paperwork that had accumulated since she had been gone. She heard someone making their way up the stairs, her back was to the entrance but she could feel the atmosphere change as they stopped at the top. She could feel their eyes glance at her for a brief second before they made their way across the room, walking past her she caught the faint smell of his cologne, and she fought to suppress the smile that was wanting to spread across her face.

 _'Well this can't be good, not even an acknowledgement...'_ She thought to herself as she turned around, sitting down in here chair, the sound of a door slamming down the small hallway causing her to jump.

"Hey, Ruzek do you have your paperwork on the Jackson case from last week?" Erin asked.

"Let me see..." He said sighing as he rummaged through the files on his desk "Nope, I handed it off to Halstead. Sorry."

 _'Yep, not touching that bomb right now with a ten foot pole.'_ She thought to herself as she had officially filed most of the paperwork and began playing a game of hangman versus herself on the notepad in front of her, waiting on Voight to say he was ready to leave, when she heard the locker room door open and a single pair of footsteps make their way down the hall. She told herself not to look up, to look anywhere in the room but at him, though it seemed her mind had a mind of its own. As soon as she glanced up from notepad, she made eye contact with him as he sat down at his desk across from hers. _'He looks different'_ she thought, the facial hair was most certainly doing him justice, with the combination of the black long sleeves and the dark blue jeans that clung to his muscular legs.

"Hey Halstead, do you have the paper work from the Jackson case?" Erin asked as she tried to pull herself away from her thoughts.

"Yeah." He briskly remarked.

"Well are you going to give them to me or are am I going to have to wait on Christmas?"

Jay let out a sigh before throwing the pen he had in his hand down onto the desk as forcefully standing up, his chair slamming into the back wall. The looks among the other two detectives in the room not going unnoticed at the interaction.

"Here." He said as he walked over, throwing the files onto her desk before quickly turning his heel and walking into the break room.

Erin sat there in shock. _'This is definitely not how I imagined this going...'_


	10. Step One, You say we Need to Talk

**Chapter Ten - Step One, You say we Need to Talk (How to Save a Life - The Fray)**

* * *

"What the hell Jay." Erin said as she finally got up from her desk and followed him into the break room.

Jay did not batter an eye towards her, he just stood at the counter and continued to pour sugar into his coffee.

"Hello earth to Jay Halstead." She said running a hand in front of his face as he continued to ignore her antics.

"Fine, you know what? You leave me no choice." Erin said as she took a step closer towards him, stepping behind, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Now is not the time nor the place Lindsay." He said as he pulled her hands away from him.

"So he does still speak." She said fanning astonishment as she took a step back.

"Yeah, I do. A lot, but you don't ever listen. Now if you'll excuse me we have a psychopath killer to try an find and put behind bars." He told her as he stepped around her, not making eye contact.

"Jay, wait." She said as she grabbed his free wrist "I need you to look at me." She said as she turned him around to face her, her hand going up to his chin and turning it towards her.

"Look at me." She said, finally catching his eye.

"I have been looking at you Erin, I have never stopped looking at you. It has been you that won't look at me."

"I know. I was... I was in a dark place, but I am better now, getting there anyways."

"I know."

"You know? How could you-? Voight." She said as a lightbulb went off.

Jay let out a sigh "I had to keep tabs on you somehow..."

"That lying son of a bitch." Erin gritted as Jay looked at her with a curious face, his eyebrow raised. "It's a long story..." She breathed out as she heard the door

next to the break room open.

"Erin! Let's go!" Voight said as he stuck his head into the room.

"Yeah! Be right there." She yelled to Voight who was walking down the stairs, before turning back around to her partner in front of her "Jay, could we talk sometime? If you're open to it anyways?"

"I don't know Erin..." He breathed out, rubbing the back of his neck.

"You know what, forget about it." She said, her voice cracking as she turned to walk away.

"No. Bab-Erin, wait." Jay said as he grabbed her wrist, turning her back around "Let's talk, say my place at seven?"

"I will have to clear it with the Warden, but it shouldn't be a problem. See you then?"

"See you then."

He leaned against the door frame, watching her as she walked down the stairs. He made his way back to his desk, but not before hearing footsteps make their way up the stairs. He just assumed that it was Olinsky or Antonio making their way back in, but he was taken by surprise when he felt someone throw their arms around his shoulders. Immediately, he knew who it was, and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"I've missed you." She surprised both him and herself, as she mumbled into his chest before pulling away and making her way back down the stairs.

"So, how long have you and Lindsay..." Ruzek said, turning in his chair to face Jay.

"We're not. Not now anyway." Jay mumbled as he sat down, returning his attention to the file in front of him.

"...not now... So there was a thing?"

"Don't you have something you should be doing Ruzek, like I don't know maybe your job?"

"Multitasking. It's all a part of the package." Ruzek grinned "Hey, Dawson! You totally owe me half of two weeks' pay." He beamed as the older detective made his way to his desk.

"You were betting on us?" Jay said annoyed.

"Well... More like wagering half of a two weeks' paycheck to whoever was right.."

"Right about what?"

Ruzek stood up and handed a yellow note pad over to Jay. "Look on the back."

Jay took the book and began thumbing through the paper, until he reached the cardboard back where he seen different things scribbled in Adams illegible handwriting in black ink.

 _Bet: Halstead and Lindsay_

 _Wager: Half of Two weeks Salary_

 _Adam: Date. Gets Caught. Breaks up._

 _Antonio: Date. Gets Caught. Stays together._

 _Kevin: Date. Gets Caught. Voight kills Jay._

 _Kim: Date. Gets Caught. Ignores Voight. Voight transfers Jay out._

 _Alvin: Date. Gets caught. Breaks up. Ignores Voight. Gets back together._

"I cannot believe..."

"Listen, for what it's worth, that is the shortened version of the bet and I will use my money to buy you all the beer you can drink at Molly's." Ruzek said as he walked over and patted Jay on the back.

"Sorry man, but that won't be happening." Jay laughed.

"What."

"You didn't win. Olinsky did."

"What do you mean Al won?" Ruzek asked, pulling the note pad from Jays hand. His eyes quickly read over what Olinsky had put, "No. No way. There is no way that you guys are together after the war that we just witness happen between the two of you."

Jay couldn't help but shake his head and let out a small laugh, he wasn't sure what had just happened either but he hoped that them talking to one another would get everything straightened out.

As the late afternoon grew into early evening, they finally had a promising lead on the location of the psychopathic killer, and needing to wrap up some loose ends and gets some more details, they decided to close in on the location early tomorrow morning.

"Guys, I am gonna go on and head out since we have to be here early tomorrow. Later." Jay said as he grabbed his things, walking down the stairs a few minutes before six.

Jay walked across the street and to his car, jumping in and taking off towards his apartment, the smile that had been there all afternoon never fading.

XXXXXXXX

 _'I hope this looks ok.'_ Erin thought to herself as she looked into the full length mirror on the back of the bedroom door. She had spent the last thirty minutes deciding on what to wear, before she ultimately decided on a red shirt, a dark pair of blue jeans and her favorite pair of shoes, her hair was down in loose curls, and her makeup minimal as she grabbed her phone and wallet, opening the door and descending the staircase.

"Hank?" Erin asked as she noticed he wasn't in his chair in the living room, and she heard no noise coming throughout the house.

"In the kitchen."

"Hey." She said as she sat down at the kitchen table.

"Going somewhere?" He asked as he glanced up from the vegetables he was slicing at the counter.

"Actually yes, I was wondering if you could take me over to Halsteads."

She heard Voight let out a small sigh, as he placed the knife down on the kitchen counter, finally looking at her directly.

"Erin..."

"Hank. No. Don't start." Erin said, putting her hand in the air to stop him from taking this conversation in the direction she knew it was heading.

"Ok." he said as he sat across from her, waiting for her to continue.

"I may be living under your roof, but I am thirty years old, long gone is the sixteen year old you took off the street and because of that I will forever be in your debt, but I told you once and I will tell you again, you cannot tell me who I can and cannot hang out with on my personal time."

"I know."

"I mean, I am in therapy like you wanted and we actually made progress today, I told her-. You know?"

"Yes Erin, I know."

"How'd you?..."

"I was a detective you know, I've seen the way you look at each other, it's the same way me and Camille used to look at each other. I just want you to be happy Erin and I was wrong-"

"Repeat that."

"You heard me. When I found out you and Halstead were sneaking around behind my back, I put a stop to it, and I wish I didn't for multiple reasons that I might get around to telling you one day."

"Really Hank?"

"What?"

"What changed your mind?"

Voight let out a sigh, "I was in the abandoned factory that day."

"I mean I would hope so, someone had to arrest the guy since he jumped through a freaking window and ran, and then you had to fill out the paperwork on what happened to me and-."

"No Erin, I was there just before you died, I heard everything you told him.."

"Oh.."

"So do you love him or were you just saying that because you thought that you were dying?"

"Is this a trick question?"

Voight reached into his pocket, and pulled out a set of keys, "Here, your car's out front."

"Thank you." She said accepting the keys.

"And just so you know, you do have a curfew."

"But-"

"Because I need you to be well rested for work tomorrow, desk duty, eight a.m."

"Really?"

"Really." He confirmed as she pulled him into a hug. "Now, get going, be back by one."

Erin quickly made her way out of the house and to her car, she hoped in and couldn't help but smile as she drove over to Jay's apartment, jamming out to the Sam Smith hit blaring over the radio.


	11. I Wanna Love You like That

**Chapter Eleven - I Wanna Love You Like That (Love You Like That - Canaan Smith)**

* * *

 _'You can do this, it's just Jay_.' Erin told herself as she sat in her car which was parked in front of his apartment. _'Just tell him everything that happened, let him in._ ' She continued to give herself a pep talk when there came a knock on the passenger side glass that caused her to jump out of her skin.

"What the hell Halstead!" Erin said as she rolled the window down.

"You seem to be saying that a lot..." he said as he leaned in through the window.

"Yeah, well if you didn't scare the ever living shit out of me right then and you know, just called or texted me like a normal human being then maybe I wouldn't be cussing you out every time I see you!"

"Sorry, I just got home and seen your car sitting here as I pulled in, thought I would come and make sure you were ok."

"I'm fine, thank you."

"I know that now. But why are you sitting down here when you have a key? It's warmer in the building than your car. What do you say we head in?"

Erin shut the engine off, and opened her door as Jay made his way around to her side, holding his arm out to which she graciously accepted. They crossed the street and headed into the building and up to Jays apartment.

A comfortable silence fell over them as they made their way up to the twelfth floor.

"Ahh shit." Jay said, sitting a bag he was carrying with him down beside him in front of his door as he searched his pockets.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, it's just I left my keys in my car, which is now probably locked, so now we can't get into the apartment and I can't leave."

"Well, it's a good thing that I am here then." Erin smiled as she reached into her coat pocket, grabbing her keys, thumbing for the right one.

"Thanks Linds." He said as he picked up the bag off the ground.

"That why you have back-up." She shrugged as they stepped into his apartment.

Erin kicked her shoes off at the door and walked to the couch, Jay followed suit by kicking his shoes off, sitting the bag in his hand on the table as he went to the kitchen, heading to the couch a few minutes later with two plates of food and two bottles of water.

"Have you eaten yet? Because I stopped by The Purple Pig on my home and grabbed some food."

"Since when do they do to-go orders?"

"Since one of chefs owe me a favor or two." Jay said giving her his signature smile and a wink.

"What did they do Jay, steal your motorcycle and you forgive them through free food?" Erin laughed as she graciously accepted the plate he was offering.

"No, he broke into somewhere when I was on the beat to propose to his now wife where they first met, which just so happened to be Citi Field."

"You're kidding."

"Nope, they broke in and my old buddy and I just so happened to get the call, we let them go with a warning, not like we were actually going to arrest them. I figured I could pull a string or two and get some take out."

"Well I have to say, I never thought I would be eating take-out from the pig in the comfort of your living room Halstead." Erin smiled before she took a sip of water.

Jay turned and returned the smile.

"So what's this case that you guys are working on, I seen some of the board earlier today and Hank won't tell me anything other than its a big case and apparently you guys are going after the guy tomorrow?"

"Yeah, we are.

"Ok... And?"

"And, that's all you need to know."

"Jay..."

"Erin, I'm serious, it's nothing too big that we can't handle."

"Just be careful ok?"

"Always."

"I'm serious Jay. I don't like having someone else covering your back. That should be me watching your six, not Atwater or Antonio."

"They're good police Erin, they know what they are doing."

"I know, it's just..." Erin said as she trailed off.

"Its just what?"

"I feel like I should apologize for everything that I have done to you and to Hank and to the team."

"You have nothing to be sorry for Erin."

"Yes I do Jay! I tried to kill myself ok? I tried to put a bullet in me and the gun jammed, and not once in my career has my gun ever jammed. I wanted the pain to stop, but something other than that damn gun stopped me and so I went to clear my head and that's when I ran into you guys clearing that house and the guy jumping through the window. When he first jumped, my first thought was to go for my gun which wasn't there of course so I decided to stupidly chase the man and well, you know the rest..."

"Erin I-"

"You don't know what to say do you? Because you never thought in a million years would Erin Lindsay want to take her own life, but that's the thing Jay, I couldn't because if I did then that meant that I would be hurting the most important people in my life. You Jay. I couldn't because of you."

"I do know Erin. I know what it feels like to feel empty, to feel alone, because you think that all the troubles in life is your fault. I tried Erin, I tried just like you did, thought that a bullet would solve all my problems, take away the guilt and the pain, but it didn't. Luckily, I had someone to pull me out before I could pull the trigger, and I owe my life to that man."

"Mouse."

"He came by to check on me, and found me sitting in a chair, with a gun to my head, ready to pull the trigger. So Erin, you can't say that I don't know because I do."

"I.. I didn't know Jay."

"I know, I've never told anyone beside my therapist. I think that's why I was so angry at you, because you wouldn't talk to anyone."

"Ok, enough of this soap box drama, what do you say we watch the ballgame?" Erin asked as she leaned back into the couch, Jay following suit.

There conversations lingered from topic to topic, falling few and far in between. And they both soon found themselves falling into old habits, Jays arm falling across her shoulder as he pulled her in close, Erin snuggling into his chest, and both of their feet becoming entangled as they were propped on the coffee table. Soon Erin fell asleep, still curled into his side. Jay gently pulled Erin off, getting up and turning off the lights throughout the apartment and changing into something more comfortable, locking the front door as he walked back towards the living room. He went back to the sofa, gently falling back into the soft cushions as Erin snuggled back into his side. He laid down, stretching out as he pulled Erin down with him before he pulled her on top of him, where he began thumbing circles over the exposed skin of her lower back.

"Hey Erin, wake-up." Jay said, not moving a muscle.

"Babe, wake-up for me please?" He asked, receiving a grumble.

"Erin Lindsay, if you don't get up, Voight will kill me and then you will never see my smiling face again..."

"I won't let him." She sleepily mumbled into his chest.

"Oh? And why not?"

"Because I love you."

Jay couldn't help the enormous smile that was spreading across his face. The first and last time she told him that she was dying in front of him, but this time she was truthfully confessing in a deep sleep in the flesh and blood. He also couldn't help but let out a small laugh as he tightened his grip around her waist. " _Erin Lindsay is in love with me, and I am in love with Erin Lindsay._ " He thought to himself, grabbing the light blanket that was hanging over the back of his couch, before he draped it over the two of them. He gave Erin a light kiss on the forehead before he slowly he felt his eye lids growing heavier, as he drifted off to the slumber that had been pulling at him for the past hour.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Erin was having one of the best dreams she had had in a long time instead of her usual nightmares she had been having for the past couple of months, she and Jay were walking along the beach, hand in hand, when out of nowhere she was rudely awoken by a loud obnoxious banging on a door.

"Halstead! You better be making your way to the door awake and fully clothed or so help me-" she heard a gruff voice threaten through the wood as she pulled the arm wrapped around her waist away, slowly climbing off the chest she was sleeping on and retuning the blanket that had magically appeared covering both of them before she ran to the door.

"Damn it Hank, calm down before the neighbors call patrol and you get arrested for disturbing the peace."

"You missed curfew."

"I'm thirty years old! I don't need a curfew." Erin argued as grabbed a black hoddie hanging on the coat rack, slipping it on before she stepped into the hallway, careful not to disturb Jay who was still asleep on the couch.

"You apparently do, because you cannot follow a simple and direct order."

"Hank, we fell asleep on the couch and I lost track of time."

"Ok, you're up now so let's go."

"No."

"You want to repeat that?"

"I'm not going with you Hank. I have abided by your rules for a month and a half now, I have went to all the doctor and therapy appointments like you've asked, ate when I've been told to eat, slept when I've been told to go to sleep. I have been treated like the teenager I used to be and I am done, you maybe my boss and you may think of me as your daughter, but news flash Hank, I'm not. You, Camille and Justin have been and always will be the closest thing I have to a family but I took your goddamn bullet and if I want to be with Halstead then like Hell I will." Erin spoke as the words flew out of her mouth and off of her chest.

"Erin I-"

"Don't bother, I'll see you at work." She said as she walked around him and down the stairs.

"Damn it..." Voight mumbled under his breath, rubbing his jaw with his hand before he returned his attention the door in front of him "Halstead!" He gruffly yelled as he furiously began knocking on the door once again. No more than fifteen seconds later did he hear a loud crash as something hit the floor roughly, before he heard soft footsteps across the hardwood floor as he quietly made his way to the door.

"What the Hell Voight! It's..." Jay trailed off as he looked towards the clock in the once occupied living room he now noticed was empty. "...six o'clock. You could have just called."

"I need to know something."

"Shoot. And not literately." He mumbled the last sentence under his breath, resulting in a glare from his boss.

"You know Halstead, I have gained a lot of respect for you since Dawson brought you up from Gangs, two years ago you were immature, but you knew how to do your job and how to do it right, you didn't have to be told twice on anything except when it comes to your partner. I'm not going to beat you to a pulp, I'm not going to throw you in the drink, and I will most certainly not let Atwater win this bet going on they think I don't know about. I don't know what your and Erin's relationship status is and truthfully I don't care, I just need to know that someone has her back twenty four hours a day."

"Always."

"Meet in the basement at eight." Voight said as he turned around and began walking down the hallway before stopping in his tracks "And Halstead? If you _ever_ do anything to hurt her, don't think I won't-"

"Understood sir, you have nothing to worry about."

Voight nodded his head before finally walking down the hall. Jay slowly shut the door, still processing what the hell just happened.

" _That was his blessing? Damn, that was nothing compared to what I was expecting."_ Jay thought to himself as he went to the coffee table and grabbed his phone. He quickly hit the second speed dial in his phone, to which two rings filled his ear before going to voice mail. End. He quickly repeated the same motion, the phone being sent straight to voicemail "You've reached Lindsay-" he quickly hit end once more. He opened up the dial pad once more, but this time he opted to his fourth speed dial.

"Yo, this is better be good."

"I need a favor." Jay asked as he walked to his room, grabbing and changing into a fresh outfit.

"At six thirty of a morning?"

"It's Erin. She's not answering her phone and I think she got into an argument with Voight, I just need you to ping her cell phone."

"Good thing I am already at work." Mouse said as he punched in a few keys on his computer. "Alright, it looks like she is... At her house?"

"At her house? How do you know where she lives?"

"The home address of any CPD officer is in this system, it tells me so right here in big fat letters, Detective Erin Lindsay, apartment 720-"

"I get it, thanks Mouse." Jay said as he hung up and grabbed the essentials he needed for the day before he ran out the door.

He quickly drove over to Erin's place, breaking a few laws in the process but he didn't care. He took the stairs two and three at a time and reached the floor to her apartment in what he considered record time. He rounded the corner and seen her sitting there, next to her door, her head resting on her knees. He slowly walked over, where he slid down the wall and sat beside her.

"You won't believe this." Erin said as she lifted her head and turned it towards her partner.

"Try me." Jay said, as he tried to catch his breath.

"I forgot my key." Erin laughed.

"What is up with us and losing keys?" Jay joked as he stood to his feet, turning around and helping Erin do the same before he reached into his pocket and grabbed his keys.

"I have no clue. I think Voight actually took it off my keyring and it's at his house somewhere."

"What are you doing here anyways Erin?" Jay asked as he put his emergency key into her lock.

"I needed to clear my head, Hank was being an ass and I didn't know we're else to go." She shrugged.

"You're always more than welcome at Casa de la Halstead."

They walked in, and were both instantly taken back at the sight before them.

"Have you been back here since you moved to Voights?"

"No, if I had to guess, this was all Bunny."

"Erin, we need to report this, it needs to be on file."

"No, you will only be poking the beast instead of taming the lion. I was going to sell and move anyways." Erin said as she began to survey the damage closer.

"The only thing that still looks intact is the couch."

"Yeah, the couch... You know what, let me go grab a change of clothes, I reek of yesterday, let's just get out of here."

"I'm gonna go start a pot of coffee. Because Lord knows you can't survive without your morning coffee."

"Thanks Jay." Erin acknowledged as she placed a hand on his chest before walking away towards her bedroom.

Jay had just walked into the kitchen when he heard Erin yell from the bedroom.

"That Bitch!" he heard her curse as he walked around the corner.

"Erin? What's wrong?"

"She stole not only half of everything in my damn living room but half of my fucking wardrobe!"

"It's ok, we'll go after work today and buy you some new clothes."

"With what money? I haven't worked in almost three months and everything that I have left is either being spent on bills or saving up for a new place!"

"I'll take care of it."

"No, Jay, I can't let you do that, I won't."

"No arguments Erin. Now, grab something because as good as you look in my hoodie, I don't think you showing up to work in it would be appropriate." Jay smiled, as he walked back out towards the kitchen.

He got to the kitchen, and noticed the lack of all the smaller kitchen appliances, including the coffee machine, he let out a small sigh and headed towards the couch to sit down, deciding to fill Voight in on Bunny's latest crime when he got to the district.

"You ready to go?" Erin asked as she rounded the corner from her room. "Where's the coffee?"

"Yeah, about that… Seems as though Bunny thought she needed it worse than you do."

Erin let out a small sigh, as they walked through the front door and out into the hallway.

"Could this day get any worse?"

"Let's hope not."


	12. Baby I'd Die a Happy Man

**Chapter Twelve - Baby I'd Die a Happy Man (Die A Happy Man - Thomas Rhett)**

* * *

Erin and Jay pulled into the district, twenty minutes late thanks to traffic on the freeway.

"Halstead! I thought I told you to be here at eight, not when you damn please." Voight scowled as they walked in through the basement.

"Yes sir, we ran into traffic on the freeway." Jay told him as he stopped to talk to Voight in the middle of the room, Erin walking on past the two and towards the gear room.

"You missed the briefing. You, Ruzek and Atwater will be taking the back of the building. Go meet with Ruzek and then get strapped in." Voight ordered as he walked to the doorway of the gear room.

"And what do you think you are doing?"

"I'm gearing up, you guys will need another pair of eyes."

"No Erin, I told you. You are on desk duty."

"What! I thought you were just joking."

"Dead serious. I want you to get re-qualified before I send you back out into the field."

"I've been to the range plenty of times over the past few weeks, I am good shot and you know it."

"That may be true, but I need it on paper and in my hand before I will even consider sending you out to cover our backs."

"Fine." Erin said gritting through her teeth as she knew Hank had no plans of backing down. "But can I at least ride along? I promise to stay in the car."

"If you promise not to step foot out of the car."

"Deal." Erin said as she turned back towards her gear locker, taking the vest off the hook, and throwing it over her head and across her shoulders.

"Voight caved didn't he." She heard a husky voice say before she felt his hands coming across her left side, grabbing the Velcro, strapping it into place.

"Hank Voight? Cave? Please, he will do practically anything I ask him to." Erin mouthed off as she pulled her hair to the side. "He is letting me go with you guys as long as I keep my happy go lucky ass parked in the car."

"You are actually going to sit out for a bust? Who are you and what have you done to my Erin Lindsay?" Jay joked as he finished strapping her in, before he turned to her, silently asked her to do the same.

"Well, it's a little more complicated than that... He wants to make sure I can still properly fire a weapon before he puts me back in the field." She said, as she velcroed the sides of his vest in place.

"Listen to him, you do what every you feel comfortable doing, just as long as it will get you back into the field."

"Since when do you listen to Voight?" Erin laughed as Jay latched the last piece of his vest into place before he quickly spun around, causing her to stumble into the lockers behind her.

She looked at Jay and studied his face in what little time she had, before she quickly felt his hand grab her chin and pull her closer to him, his lips on hers before she could wrap her head around what was happening. In the fraction of a second that she got to study Jay, she could see the pure angst and passion written across his face, a fire burning in his eyes as a small grin crept across. Erin's body began to react as if they had never stopped, his touch sending sparks and flames throughout her body. Her arms casually wrapping around his neck, pulling him in deeper as far as she could, before her fingers found their way to his hair. Her tongue skimmed his bottom lip before making entry as one hand landed on her waist, pulling her in as close as she could get, causing a small moan to escape her lips as he began biting her lower lip, as his other hand went to her hair, running his fingers through. He began running the thumb of the hand on her waist lightly over the exposed skin underneath Erin's vest that had become untucked, when they were both rudely brought back to reality and reminded of where they were by the sound of a door slamming closed next to the one they were occupying.

"Since he said I could do that." Jay said as he reluctantly pulled away, catching his breath and licking his lips.

"Voight gave you permission for us to make out in the gear room? Yeah, ok." Erin said sarcastically, rolling her eyes as she fixed her hair.

"He did Erin." Jay said before he gave her another kiss.

"No. When?" Erin asked as she pulled back, her eyes wide.

"Does it matter?" Jay said as he gave her one last kiss on the lips. "Continue this later?" He asked as he walked to the door, turning the handle.

"Wait." Erin said as she ran over to him, pulling his hand off the handle of the wooden door, before she leaned up and gave him a quick yet passionate kiss on the lips before she pulled back, walking around him and out into the hall.

Jay took a second to collect his thoughts before he made his way out of the room, walking a few feet down to the tech room where Mouse was fitting everyone into body cameras and ear wigs.

"...please Mouse? I promise not to touch anything." Jay heard Erin pleading as he walked into the room.

"Fine..." He heard Mouse sigh.

"I owe you one." Erin thanked before she walked out of the room and upstairs.

"You know that is probably the second biggest mistake you've ever made?" Jay laughed.

"Yeah? And what was the first?"

"Trying to make us go digital." Dawson answered.

"The time you hacked the NSA." Ruzek joined in.

"When you became Halstead's CI." Atwater joked before he received a glare from both Mouse and Jay "Hey, I am just being honest."

"Mouse," Jay sighed as he walked over to his friend "let me put it this way, you will more than likely have to restrain her to the chair. Erin doesn't do being out of the action very well."

"... Well yeah I mean I figured that from when-"

"Just wait, you'll see."

"Alright, lets move out, everyone goes home today with nothing less of a paper cut got it?" Voight said as he entered the room, receiving a mixture of head nods and "Yes Sirs."

The team quickly deserted the precinct, Erin and Mouse leaving in the Van; Voight, Antonio, Atwater and Jay in Voights SUV, Olinsky and Ruzek following behind and bringing up the rear was Roman and Burgess.

It took the team ten minutes to arrive to the location of the warehouse, where they parked about a block away in an alley.

"Alright, everyone finish grabbing your gear and let's move." Voight said as he grabbed his semi-automatic rifle with extra amo before he headed down the alley and around the corner, everyone slowly falling into place behind him, leaving Erin and Mouse to monitor the cameras and audio.

"Alright. Al, you in position?" Voight asked Olinsky who was on an adjacent roof. _Just a few more seconds... Alright, I'm good. Sweeping the layout now."_

"Once we get in, I want Dawson with me. Burgess and Roman, take the front. Halstead, Atwater and Ruzek take the Back." Voight instructed one more time as he stood to the left of the door, the rest of the unit to the right. "Mouse, how we looking?"

 _"Our angles are looking clear boss."_

"Al?"

 _"I confirm two at the back."_ Olinsky verified through his scope.

"Flash and breech on my mark. On three." Voight held his hand up, counting down by his fingers, holding his hand out and down as he motioned for them to breech.

Atwater took the battering ram he had in his hands and slammed it full force into the room.

"Chicago Police Department! Frank Hernandez show yourself!" Dawson yelled as they entered the warehouse.

The medium sized building looked even smaller on the inside, with a small open floor plan, almost like a living space with miscellaneous things scattered about, which made it challenging to get to the back of the building.

Jay and Adam slowly made their way to the back, clearing under and around things as they went, Atwater bringing up the rear, as the others went about clearing the rooms on other side of the building. They finally reached the back wall that presented a room with closed doors on either side of the long hallway that ended with a metal door leading outside.

Jay threw his hand up in a fist, indicating for them to stop before he motioned for them to clear the room on the left. Adam nodded, and motioned for Kevin to clear the other room, but Jay threw his hand up again and instructed Ruzek and Atwater to clear the other room, that he would clear the room in front of them by himself. Adam threw Jay a questionable look, but nodded his head. And they kicked in both the doors at the same time.

Jay quickly made entry, where he came face to face with a short, muscular man armed with a rifle. Jay continued pointing his small caliber sidearm in the man's direction, he was about to speak, at the same time pressing the communications button on the handle of his gun to communicate his impending conversation but he stopped short of hearing at the same time that Ruzek and Atwater had a problem.

"Watch you want Mr. Policeman?" asked the man in front of him.

"I want you to put the gun down."

"Really? Why don't you put yours down then we will talk."

"You first."

"Ehhh, not really feeling it. Besides, maybe you haven't noticed, but you are in no condition to be making orders." The man said, pointing the gun towards Jay's feet.

 _'What is he? ... Oh Shit...'_ Jay thought to himself as he looked down, noticing a small corner of the rug worked up, exposing a corner of the small metal square he was standing on.

"Listen, we are not here for you, we're here for your boss."

"Yeah? Well he's not really feeling it either are you Frankie?"

"Nope." Jay heard a deep voice say, coming from the right side of the room.

"Whachia say Frankie? Do I blow his brains out and blow up the place or do we make our escape since his friends are too occupied?" The short man asked, turning towards his boss.

"How about I put a bullet in your brain and you can see how it feels." Jay heard a voice say as they carefully entered the room.

"Lindsay. Leave. Now." Jay instructed, not moving a muscle, his gun still pointed at the man in front of him.

"No. Not until these guys are in cuffs." She argued as she moved closer to him, facing diagonally to him with a gun raised to eye level, pointed at the other man across the room.

"Erin you don't understand."

"Understand what? That these morons want to blow the whole place up and everyone in it? I kinda already got that part."

"We ain't no morons. You guys are the ones that found it smart to raid my place of business." Frankie imputed.

"When did drug dealers become bomb experts?" Jay thought out loud.

"Jerome here is the expert in TNT and product, I just handle the cash." Frankie said as he began to move closer.

"Frank, stop moving." Erin commanded.

"Why? It ain't like I am going to hurt you... Or maybe..." He said as he quickly reached into the waistband of his jeans and pulled out a hand gun.

"Frank, stop moving and put the gun on the ground."

"How about you stop telling me what to do bitch?" Frankie said as his finger flew to the trigger and pulled. Erin never hesitated to pull hers either, she fired once and hit the man square in the chest.

"That was my brother! You just killed my brother!" Jerome yelled as he became filled with rage, dropping his weapon as he ran over towards his brother.

"Get on the ground! Hands behind your back!" Yelled Dawson as he entered the room, quickly assisting the man to the ground before he slapped handcuffs on both wrists.

"You little bitch! I'm gonna kill you an your family!" Jerome began spouting.

"Hurt her and I will kill you." Jay gritted through his teeth to the man as he was dragged out of the room.

"Bomb squad is on their way, Ruzek stepped on a pressure plate that's tied to several hundred gallon drums of something. Voight wants everyone out." Roman said, sticking his head in the room.

"Can't leave, Jay's tied up on a plate too." Erin said as she walked towards her partner.

"Hey Boss! Halstead's on one too." Roman yelled out into the building.

"I'm gonna need more than bomb squad."

"What are you..." Erin's question trailed off as she got close enough to see the blood trailing down from underneath his vest, a entry hole present just under his right arm that he was unable and afraid to put down "Why didn't you say something you idiot?!"

"Hey Boss! Call an ambulance! Halstead's been shot!" Roman shouted once more before walking away.

"Halstead got shot and he is standing on a bomb?! Damn it and for once I thought I was having all the fun." They heard Ruzek shout from across the hall.

"I didn't say anything cause I knew you would freak." Jay said apologetically.

"Of course I would! I love you, why wouldn't I freak!"

"Say that again." Jay smiled.

"Say what?" Erin said sheepishly, her cheeks turning red.

Jay gave her a look and she let out a sigh. "I love you Jay Halstead. There, are you happy now?"

"I wish I could kiss you right now." Jay said with a smile that spread from ear to ear, the same smile Erin was giving him.

"I was thinking..." Erin said as she returned to the problem in front of them, her feet pacing the tiled floor.

"Go on..."

"Frank isn't much bigger than you, if I can roll him onto the plate and you jump off..."

"I don't know Erin, it seems too risky..."

"It's worth a shot, I mean what's the worse that could happen?"

"You, Me and Everyone in the building being blown to bits." Jay said pointing out the obvious.

"That's not going to happen."

"Lindsay, Voight wants you out of the building." Roman said as he returned.

"Tell Hank I am busy." Erin said with a wave of her hand. "Ok, we need something that will equal your weight that's not a person..."

"There are few barbells out in the other room, if you wanna try it that way..." Roman mentioned.

"Alright, let's try it." Erin said as Roman left the room once again.

"Lindsay, you should go."

"There is no way in hell I am leaving, you stayed with me and now it's my turn to return the favor." Erin spatted.

"You really are something you know.."

"I know which I why you love me." Erin smirked as Roman walked back in carrying two twenty five pound weights in each hand.

"Trying to break your arm there Sean?"

"Eh, it's no different than carrying groceries." Roman shrugged as Atwater came in carrying another four weights "Alright, we're going to place these on top of one another and try to push them on as you step off. Got it?"

Jay nodded and they stacked the weights and slowly pushed it onto the plate as Jay stepped off.

The metaphorical weight in the room being lifted from all their shoulders.

"Damn it Jay, watch where you are going next time." Erin said as she immediately threw her arms around Jay.

"Sor-Sorry." He tried to breathe out as he collapsed into her arms.

"Get me a paramedic in here!"


	13. Wait For a Shooting Star and Stare

**Sorry for the delayed update, University finals/projects have gotten the best of me the past few weeks.**

 **Thank you for the reviews/faves/follows! Enjoy!**

 **Chapter Thirteen - Wait For a Shooting Star and Stare (Confession - Florida Georgia Line)**

* * *

"Jay... Halstead can you hear me?" I heard a familiar voice echoing as I came to. The screeching and wailing of a siren filled my ears, the bumps and movement of the speeding Vehicle making me feel as though I was on a horrible roller-coaster ride.

"Jay you need to stay awake." I heard her raspy voice plead as her hand gripped mine.

I take a breath of air in to tell her I could try but as I breathed in through the uncomfortable mask covering my nose and mouth I felt as though I had been shot. ' _Oh wait, I had_.' I remembered as I tried to raise my left hand to the wound as a reflex.

"Detective, you cannot move." I heard someone else say. "You're hooked to an IV and we don't need the bullet to move, just lay still."

' _Still... They want me to stay still. Yeah, ok_.'

"How far from Med are we?" I heard Erin ask as I faded back out.

"Five minutes."

"Jay? Jay... Halst-" was the last thing I heard as I was pulled back to the silence, back to the darkness that I had just escaped.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Jay? Jay... Halstead wake up!" Erin said as her voice grew louder with each syllable.

"Ambulance Sixty-One to Chicago Med." Sylvie Brett spoke into her headset.

" _This is Med, go ahead sixty-one_."

"Be advised we are currently ALS at this time to your location with a 30 year old male patient that has a GSW to the upper right quadrant. Probable collapsed lung with diminished breath sounds on the right side and notable bruising posterior. There is no notable exit wound. Patient was RSI'd on scene per protocol for airway protection and is stating 82% with supplemental O2. Patient has been given 15mg/5ml of morphine and 25 mg of Phenergan, vital signs are BP of 78/44, pulse 138 and sinus tach on the monitor.. We're not requesting any orders and should be to your facility in about five minutes. How do you advise?"

" _10-4 sixty-one. We will be ready upon your arrival_."

"Detective?" asked Brett as she looked towards the woman holding on to her partners' hand.

"Ye- yeah?" Erin said as she looked up, on the verge of breaking down right there.

"He's going to be fine. He will be taken to surgery, where they will repair his injuries and before you know it he will be back in the field." Brett encouraged.

Erin couldn't express her gratitude towards the encouraging words, because as true as they may have seemed right then and there, she knew things could always take a turn for the worst.

As they arrived to the hospital, Chilly parked the Vehicle in the ambulance bay before she quickly jumped out and made her way to the back. They quickly loaded everything onto the stretcher and wheeled him through the doors, Erin never missing a beat as she held onto his left hand for dear life.

"Take him into bay three." Directed a nurse Erin would soon learn her name was April.

"What are we looking at?" asked the male trauma doctor on call as they moved Jay onto a table, Erin could faintly make out the name Rhodes on his badge before the serious tone of voice coming out of Brett's mouth brought her back.

"Thirty Year old male. GSW to the upper right torso. Probable injury to kidney, definite collapsed lung. When we arrived on scene he was running off of adrenaline and was in a state of shock, we were finally able to make it to the patient after he was safely removed from an exploding device. Patient came to in the ambulance but he quickly returned to this lethargic state. Vitals are low but stable." Brett told the young doctor as he began making his own assessments.

"Alright, does this patient have a name?"

"Jay. Detective Jay Halstead." Erin quickly spat out.

"Halstead? Does he have a brother named Will?"

Erin nodded her head.

"Page down here! Code One!" He yelled over to the nurse's station.

"Listen sweetie, I know that you don't want to leave but you need to let go so the doctors can do their job." Said Nurse April as she attempted to pull Erin away from Jays side.

"...I want a chest X-Ray and an MRI, both with and without contrast." Doctor Rhodes ordered before the room slowly began to clear out.

"Alright, I made it down here in new record, what are we- Jay?" Will said as he walked up and seen the mass chaos happening around his younger sibling. "Erin? What happened?" He asked after a few seconds.

"He was clearing a house, walked into a room and stepped onto a pressure plate, just so happened that our suspect and his accomplice was in the same room. Our suspect got a shot off before I took him down and that shot ended up in your brother."

"Why weren't you covering his back? You're supposed to be his partner!" Will asked, his voice raising.

"I was there, but I wasn't there, ok? I did and do have your brothers back Will but sometimes things happen that is out of our control."

"I get that Erin, but lets just hope he lives long enough to understand that."

Will said before he walked out.

"He is going to be fine Erin. None of this is your fault. Except if you hadn't gone on that... That fucking sabbatical than we wouldn't be here right now.." She whispered to herself.

"Don't say that." Whispered a hoarse voice from the bed.

"Jay?" Erin asked, thinking the voice was all in her head.

"Your sabbatical may have been a low point, but look were it got us." Jay drowsily smiled. "Just ignore my brother Er, he's just being overprotective cause I got hurt. It's not that bad..."

"Oh, is that right Detective?"

"Plus it will leave a pretty badass scar."

"That's true, as if all you needed was another scar..."

"I'll be fine Erin, I promise." Jay said giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"You promise?"

"Cross my heart. Now go and find out if Ruzek is still in one piece. I need something to bust his balls about, because God knows I will never live this down."

"But Jay-"

"No buts. Go." He ordered as he pulled his hand away from hers.

Erin rolled her eyes and walked out of the trauma bay, as nurse April walked in and directed Erin towards the surgical waiting room, as she began unhooking Jay from the series of machines he was connected to.

Erin walked out of the Emergency room and to the elevators, taking one to the third floor. She made it to the small waiting room, where she collapsed into a blue chair. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, dialing the number she knew by heart.

"Voight." He answered sternly.

"Hank, umm how's Ruzek?"

"Alive. Probably not after Burgess gets done kicking his ass for not watching where he was going. But bomb squad got here just after you left. How's Halstead?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know."

"He's in surgery."

"How serious?"

"I don't know Hank! He seemed ok when I left him, I am up here in a waiting room now."

"Ok, don't go anywhere, someone will be there shortly."

"Wasn't planning on it." Erin mumbled into the mic as Voight hung up.

She got up from the chair she had just occupied, fixing her a cup of stale coffee that sat on a nearby table before she began pacing the small room. She wanted an update, he had been in the operating room going on an hour now. _'Maybe I could-? No that isn't resourceful. Maybe-? No, he thinks that all this is my fault._ ' Erin thought as she sat back down.

"Erin? What are you doing here?" She heard someone ask as they stuck their head into the room.

Erin lifted her head, a look of shock and surprise on her face before she was able to wipe it away.

"Yeah, surprised? I guess I haven't seen you since Jules passed." Alec said as he walked into the room, sitting down in a chair across from Erin.

"Yeah, it's been a while Alec."

"So, what are you doing up here by your lonesome? What are you doing up here period?"

"My partner, Halstead, he was shot, they have him in surgery right now."

"Jay was shot? Damn." Alec cursed as he let out a low whistle.

"Yeah, in the side, said it hit his lung and possibly a kidney."

"Who's preforming the surgery? I will go find out if there is an update. It's the least I could do."

"Oh, I couldn't ask that of you, besides don't you have other patients?"

"Family comes first. You and Jay took care of Liam and Emmy when I wasn't able to, I owe you."

"Rhodes. That's the name of his doctor."

"Let me go see what I can find out."

Erin nodded her head as Alec walked out the door. She rested her head in her hands, closing her eyes for a second.

"Lindsay. Hey, Erin wake up." Erin heard someone say as they gently shook her shoulder.

"What?" she asked, jerking her head up, wincing as her eyes adjusted to the bright lights. "Antonio? What are you doing-. When did you get here?"

"About forty-five minutes ago. Are you ok? Voights out in the hall if you want me to get him."

"No, don't. Did anybody come by?"

"Nope."

Erin let out a sigh as she ran her fingers through her hair and glanced at her watch, _'two hours'_ she thought to herself before getting up and heading back to the coffee machine when she heard a pair of footsteps enter the room. She turned around, noticing the two men standing in the doorway in scrubs.

"How is he?" Erin asked as she ran over to Connor and Alec.

"The bullet did penetrate his lung, but missed his kidney by a few millimeters, but he is going to be fine." Dr. Rhodes smiled. "We gave him a couple more units of blood and were able to retrieve the bullet by opening up the wound he already sustained, we retrieved it, sewed him up and took him to recovery."

"So he's... He's fine."

"He is not necessarily out if the woods but they should be putting in his room right now. You can go see him, he should be waking up within the next hour or two."

"What's his recovery looking like?" Spoke Voight as he stood in the doorway.

"Possible discharge in two days, desk duty in about two weeks for two weeks, resume full duty in about four, it all depends on him."

"Good luck with that one.." Dawson mumbled.

Alex and Colin both let out a small laugh as they stood and asked if there was any more questions, before being thanked by Voight and leaving the room.

No sooner than the two doctors had left, Erin was out of the room, walking to the elevator, Voight and Dawson quick on her heels.

They rode the elevator in silence up to his floor, stepping off, making their way down the cluttered hallway. Dawson was still quick on Erins heels as they approached his room but was stopped when Voight threw his arm up.

Antonio gave his boss a questionable look, "You know what, I'm hungry, I think me and Dawson are going to run down to the cafeteria for a few." Voight said, explaining his actions.

"But I'm not hungry." Dawson said before receiving a glare from Voight. "On second thought, I think I could go for a burger. Be back later Erin."

Erin smiled and nodded her head, before walking into the small hospital room. Jay was propped up, a nasal cannula feeding his oxygen, with clear tubes of clear liquid flowing into his right arm, passed out on the bed in the middle of the room.

Erin's smile dropped as she strode over to his side, placing a light kiss on his forehead before she kicked her shoes off and sat down on the bed before sliding in beside him, on his good side, taking his free hand into hers. She turned her head and watched as his chest rose and fell in-sync with the heart monitor. The quietness of the room and the steady sound of the monitor beeping lulling her to sleep. Her body felt as though she hadn't slept in months, which was part truth part lie, as her body relaxed next to his.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As Jay woke up, he immediately wished that he was dead, the excruciating pain coming from his side was enough to knock the breath out of him.

"Hey, you ok?" He heard he voice rasp from beside him before he had the chance to open his eyes.

"Yeah, fine." He lied, as he opened his eyes to see Erin sitting in a chair next to the bed, her hand in his. "How long was I out?"

"About a day."

"A day? What?" He exclaimed as he tried to sit up.

"I mean, I know you like your sleep and all but..."

"You were worried weren't you?"

"What? No I wasn't."

"Yes you were, I can see it on your face."

"Shut up." Erin laughed as she threw a box of tissues at Jay.

"Since when did Prince Charming need Snow White to wake up? Isn't this backwards?" Observed Dr. Rhodes as he knocked before walking into the room. "How are we feeling Detective?"

"Some pain but I will manage." Jay said as the doctor began examining his surgical site, pressing lightly on it, making Jay cringe.

"I will order you some drugs so we can get your pain management under control. Are you feeling anything unusual? Dizziness? Fatigue?"

"Nope and No. I feel fine."

"Fine my ass..." Erin mumbled under her breath from the corner of the room.

"Well detective, once we get your pain under control, I see no reason as I why you cannot go home."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Though, I do suggest you stay with someone for the next few days until you are able to get back on your feet."

"When can I go back to work?"

"As of right now, I am saying three weeks, and that's just desk duty."

Jay let out a sigh and rolled his eyes.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, what can I do to get a steak around here?"

"You're not eating steak." Spoke a voice from the door.

"Shut up Will, you're not my doctor."

"They start serving dinner at 5. But I do recommend something light such as Jello or pudding first, then you can order something else later."

"Fine." Jay sighed once more as Dr. Rhodes walked out of his room and down the hall to continue his rounds.

"Listen Erin," Will sighed as he finally walked into the room "about yesterday..."

"Don't worry about it Will, you were just concerned about your brother."

"My actions were out of line and I'm sorry." Will continued, ignoring Erin's rejection of his apology.

"Halstead, I said it was fine."

"Hey, that's my pet name..." Jay pouted.

"I'm sorry Detective Chuckles."

"So, can I go home now?"

"Bro, you have been awake not even thirty minutes."

"Hospitals are for the sick and dying, neither of which is happening to me."

"Tomorrow, you will be released tomorrow." Will said as he rolled his eyes. "Just promise me you will not do anything stupid."

"Trust me, he won't." Erin chimed in.

"Fine. Can I get some food now?"

"You're cranky and demanding, I should just discharge you tonight."

Jay's face brightened up and he had a smile spreading from ear to ear.

"Kidding, that will never happen." Will laughed as he walked out of the room.


	14. Let it Fade to Black

**Hey guys! Sorry for the delay! I was going through some things and didn't have a chance to work on this story. Anyways...**

 **Here is the last chapter for Let It Fade to Black, I hope you enjoy! I just want to thank all of you for the reviews, faves, and follows as well as your patience!**

 **Chapter Fourteen - Let it Fade to Black (Strip It Down - Luke Byran)**

* * *

Jay got his wish and was released from Chicago Med the next day, but not without strict instructions from his brother.

"You're not listening."

"Yeah, because every time you talk, your voice sounds like a dying walrus." Jay said as the words came flying out of his mouth. "I feel like shit, so if you wanna shut your fucking pie hole, it would be appreciated."

"Maybe you should stay another day, if you are feeling that bad." Will said as they continued toward the front of the hospital.

"NO."

"Erin, a little help here?" Will pleaded.

"I can't argue with him, I hate hospitals just as much as he does." Erin told him as she followed behind the two brothers.

"Fine, you are free to go. But, you are to stay in bed for the rest of the day, no heavy lifting for the next week, change the bandage once every day, and " Will said as he cleared his voice. "no sexual activity for two weeks."

Jay rolled his eyes at his brothers pestering even though he was touched that Will cared.

"Connor has already told everything else pertaining your care to Erin, if there are any problems do not hesitate to call." Will said as he walked away.

Erin and Jay continued their walk out to the Chrysler, getting into their respective seats.

"I could go for a beer right now." Jay sighed as he attempted to get comfortable.

"I bet, but you're not getting one."

"What? Why?" he whined.

"Pain meds and alcohol do not mix."

"Like you would ever know if I had a drink or not.."

"Well I do have a six pack in my fridge but you," she said as she glanced towards Jay "are not getting any."

"Your fridge? Who said anything about going to your place?"

"Apparently after you suffer a serious injury, you are to not supposed be left unattended." she joked "For the next couple of days you are staying with me because your brother is on call. I ran by your apartment before I got to the hospital and got some clothes for you."

"Er, I'm a big boy, I think I can take care of myself."

"I don't care, you are staying with me and that is final."

"When did Voight let you move back in?"

"He hasn't exactly, but I think I have finally gained his trust back over these past few weeks."

Jay didn't argue with her about staying at her place, it felt more like home than his apartment. And after the sixth day of him being released from the hospital, he was still at her apartment and showed no signs of leaving any time soon.

"Hey I'm back!" Erin yelled as she walked through the front door.

"In the bedroom!" Jay yelled back.

Erin took off her coat, and hung it next to Jays, kicking her boots off at the door, and setting her bag down on the small table before heading towards the bedroom.

"Oh my gosh."

"I got a little bored and decided on rearranging the room, I mean you said last night that you didn't like the way it was so..."

"So you moved it around?"

"Yeah, I also kind of got tired looking at that white wall every night."

Erin stood there and nodded her head. "If you tore something, Will is going to kill me." She told him in all seriousness, rolling her eyes as she walked out and headed towards the kitchen.

By the twelfth day, Erin was pretty sure Jay was now living there. He had gone to his apartment the previous day, grabbing some more clothes and other necessities that he brought back to her place. He was also going stir crazy by having to stay out of the precinct. It seemed as though not an hour went by while Erin was at the district that Jay would not text her to find out how work was going without him being there.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The team had just been handed a new case, and were unwillingly working at their desks, tracking down leads instead of out in the field. Antonio and Kevin were on their phones, Mouse and Adam were tracking something down on the computer, Olinsky was talking to Voight in his office and Erin was trying to sort through paper work, but was checking her phone every five minutes to see if Jay had called or texted her as she knew he was supposed to be getting the all clear from Dr. Rhodes this morning.

"Well, look who has graced us with his presence. To what do we owe the pleasure Halstead?" asked Ruzek asked he turned around from Mouse's desk at the sound of boots quickly working their way up the stairs.

"I, am officially back." Jay said grinning from ear to ear as he pulled the folded sheet of paper out of his back pocket before striding across the room to his desk, sitting down but not before glancing at Erin who was smiling back at him.

"Well, glad to have you back." Antonio said as he came over to Jays desk, firmly slapping his shoulder.

"So, what are we working on?" Jay asked as he placed the paper on his desk, before he turned and began studying the white board.

The team filled him in as quickly as they could on the case, the victims, the suspects and the evidence. And by the time they had gotten that done it was well into the early part of the afternoon.

Atwater and Dawson had left to talk to a CI. Ruzek and Burgess went to lunch. Olinsky went to the boxing gym to talk to Michelle. Mouse was in the tech room. And Voight was at some meeting that required all the district sergeant's attention. Which left Erin and Jay to themselves in the bullpen.

Jay would look at Erin when she wasn't looking, Erin would look at Jay when he wasn't looking.

"What do you want Jay?" Erin asked without looking up from the report she was reading.

"I have been back, what, half the day and I have not gotten something as simple as a 'hello' from you. Did I do something?"

"Hey Halstead, is that better? No you have not done anything wrong, now if you are happy and don't mind I am trying to put these W9-2s in order." She said as she dropped the papers to her desk and ran her fingers through her hair frustratingly. "Where the hell is it?" she mumbled to herself.

Jay looked at her with a quizzical look before he caught her eye.

"I have been over these files at least three times now, and every time, I keep coming up missing the two main witness accounts from the initial investigation that gangs did."

Jay smiled and laughed to himself before rummaging through the organized chaos on his desk.

"You mean these?" he said as he pulled them out of a stack, standing up and walking them across the aisle.

"Yes!" Erin said as she grabbed the papers out of his hand "Wait… Why did you have these?"

"I grabbed them earlier when you went for coffee, I was trying to see if we missed anything from there reports." Jay said as he walked back to his desk.

"And did we?"

"Not from what I can tell, the statements seem pretty solid."

Erin nodded her head, and continued to sort and file the now complete set of witness statements that she had.

"What are you doing tonight?" Erin asked as she placed the last file folder onto Mouse's desk for him to look over, scan and electronically file.

"Nothing, thought about going to Molly's and watching some hockey. Why?"

"Oh, no reason." She lied as she sat down, back at her desk.

"Lindsay..." Jay glared, looking up from his computer.

"Halstead..." Erin countered as she looked over to her partner.

"Wanna come over and watch the game from my place?" Jay offered.

"I bring the beer, you order the pizza?"

"Supreme or Margarita?"

"Surprise me." She laughed, knowing that Halstead knew her too well.

The later part of the day began to come upon them, everyone had come back from their separate tasks and errands, with very few leads until the search warrants were approved, Voight decided to call it a night and let them go early.

Jay was rummaging through the take-out menus sprawled out on the kitchen counter when a knock came from the front door. "It's open!" he yelled before hearing the door open.

"How did you know it was me? For all you know, I could have been attempting a B&E." Erin said as she stepped into the kitchen, sitting the six-pack she had in her hand on the table.

"Well I would consider myself armed… and dangerous." He boyishly smiled as he turned around from the counter to face her.

"Yeah, ok." Erin said as she jokingly punched him in the shoulder before grabbing two beers and popping the cap off of them, handing one to Jay, both taking a long drag.

"So, how does it feel to be back?" Erin asked as she jumped up onto the kitchen counter.

"Oh, you know, it's ok." He smiled as he leaned against the counter towards Erin.

"Only ok? So you would rather be sitting here, driving me insane than I don't know, doing something productive like say your job?"

"You know," Jay said as he placed his bottle onto the counter "I personally would rather be doing this." He said as he closed the space between the two of them, firmly placing his lips onto hers as he found himself standing in between her legs. Erin wrapping her legs around his waist as her lips parted, letting him gently pull and tug at her bottom lip. A frustrated moan escaped from her lips as he left her lips swollen and aching for more, moving down her neck, sucking and placing sloppy kisses. Jay picked her up off the counter, returning his lips to hers as Erin tightened her legs around his waist, he guided them out of the kitchen and towards the bedroom, bumping into the couch, causing them to both fall over the arm of the sofa. Erin couldn't help but laugh "You know, as many times as we have done this, I would have figured you would know the way around your own apartment." She laughed as Jay straddled above her.

"I do." Jay said as he leant down, placing kisses along the curve of her neck.

"Then how come we always end up falling onto the couch?"

Before Jay could answer, there was a knock at the front door.

Erin let out a small sigh, but Jay ignored the interruption and began lifting up the hem of Erin's shirt, pulling the fabric over her head.

"If you don't go and answer it, they might not ever leave…" She thought aloud.

"They'll get the message…"

Erin silently agreed, returning her attention to what was in front of her, running her fingers up under his shirt, gently running her nails across his washboard abs, before reaching to pull the fabric over his head, but her actions were halted with a hand catching her wrists.

"Hold on.." Jay irritatingly sighed as he jumped off the couch and approached the door, it was only then she realized that the pestering knock had returned. He looked through the small whole in the door, which abled him see who was standing out in the hallway. He jumped back, let out a curse out from under his breath as he ran a hand through his hair, before grabbing the handle of the door, pulling it open.

"It's about time you opened up the damn door!"

"Yeah, sorry about that wh-"

"What the hell man! Did you forget that-. Woah. Lindsay?" an aggravated voice said as they let themselves into Jay's apartment.

"Ruzek…" Erin said as she jumped up off the couch to her feet, thankful she had had enough time to throw her shirt back on.

"What are you doing here?"

"Am I not allowed at my boyfriend's place or something?"

"No, not when he promised… Wait, did you say boyfriend? What happened to the whole 'War War Three' 'I hate you' incident at the precinct a few weeks ago?."

"We just needed some space and to talk it out." Erin told him.

"And Voight approves?"

"Yep."

"And you're still breathing?" Ruzek said looking towards Jay.

"Alive and kicking."

"Well… I umm, I am just going to go. Have a nice night and uh, sorry for interrupting." Ruzek said glancing towards Erin, giving her a strange look before walking back out into the hall.

"What the hell was that about?" Erin asked as she turned towards Jay.

"Oh my god."

"What?"

"I may have…"

"You didn't." she as her eyes grew wide and she ran her hand across her throat.

"Yep." Jay tried to hold back a laugh but ultimately failed.

"Jay Halstead! Are you telling me that I have a hicky on my neck?!" Erin exclaimed as Jay nodded his head, still laughing at Erin's antics. "I guess it's a good thing it's winter." She said as she walked back towards the kitchen, opening refrigerator and grabbing a beer, opening the brew and taking a drag.

"Jay?" Erin asked after a few minutes of no longer hearing Jay's uncontrollable fit of laughter he seemed to have. She heard no reply, and made her way towards the living room, where she ran into Jay, with a devilish grin on his face.

"Jay?"

"Erin?"

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You know, we didn't get to finish what we started earlier." He said avoiding Erin's question, as he began walking towards her.

"So, why are we still talking?" Erin said closing the space as her lips landed on his.

* * *

 **Forgive me on the ending as I had no idea how I wanted to end this! Thanks for reading!**


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